My New Year's resolution was to be more efficient, and as such, here's a handy reference guide of my best posts of 2009. It's so cool that even dogs and cats are chilling out on the couch together to read it. If you have a personal favourite that's not on the list, well, you're simply just wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. Enjoy!
December 22: I decide to get ahead of the game and begin my 2009-2010 TV year in review early. Thank goodness I watch enough short-season programs to make this worthwhile.
December 9: In spite of the fact that the casting rumour about Anne Hathaway in Spider-Man 4 isn't at all confirmed, I rant like a lunatic about it. Possibly my nerdiest post of the year.
December 7: An examination of the World Cup field in an attempt to decide who I'll be rooting for next summer. Go Ivory Coast!
November 29: Since this list isn't brutal enough, here's a link to a YouTube video of the ten biggest knockouts in MMA history. Not for the faint of heart.
November 27: The nine most disappointing movies of 2009. Needless to say, Avatar earned its place on the list.
November 19: I talk about chimney sweeps, which leads into talking about Mary Poppins and.....yeah, it becomes a bunch of rambling nonsense.
November 12: I run through (and provide video of) some classic moments in Sesame Street's history, alphabet-style. One of my personal favourite posts of the year.
November 5: My move from Toronto, in spite of a local key-cutter's best attempts to delay me.
November 4: A little tribute to Mitchell & Webb, my favourite comedy discovery of the year.
October 21: I gush like a little girl about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, who put out my favourite record of 2009.
October 19: My review of 'Paranormal Activity.' I think I liked Bill Simmons' brief review on Twitter even better: "Living proof that dudes will put up with anything for a girlfriend with big guns."
October 4: Two legendary videos: Karl Pilkington and HockeyBear. Glorious.
September 27: I crap my pants over Jonas Gustavsson's preseason save against Detroit and, like a true Leafs fan, go way overboard. Sigh.
September 21: I drop a case of Coke down my apartment steps. Chaos ensues.
September 18: My review of U2's Rogers Centre concert, which was arguably the best live show I've ever seen by any band.
September 10: My list of the top 92 Simpsons episodes of all time. I still can't believe CBC dropped this show for the goddamn Ghost Whisperer. My tax dollars should not be used to fund Jennifer Love Hewitt's terrible acting.
September 6: I walk through Toronto's subway stations and what do I see? Brett Leroy's Corner Gas tree!...uh, wait, no, I saw a bunch of random stuff that I blogged about.
August 31: The last of the demotivational poster entries, with handy links also provided to the first two installments.
August 24: Probably my favourite post of the year: my review/analysis of 'Inglourious Basterds.' I was so inspired by the film that I busted out my old film theory skills and just went at it.
August 18: Brett Favre becomes a Minnesota Viking. I am dying to see a Vikings-Packers playoff matchup. It's awfully rare to beat a team three times in one year, and given that both teams have been going in exact opposite directions over the last month, Green Bay is due to lay a whipping on Favre and company.
August 11: My list of the best North American athletes of the past decade. Serial adulterer Tiger Woods is #1, which is kind of funny in hindsight. Not that that diminishes his ranking any --- hell, if anything, it's even more impressive that Tiger was able to dominate golf and juggle so many women at the same time. Top that, Lance Armstrong. (Though, to be fair, Armstrong is short a testicle.)
August 8: Based on a Facebook meme, my '15 books in 15 minutes,' or the fifteen books that will stay with me forever.
July 22: Some random nonsense.
July 19: A bird craps on my head during Shakespeare In The Park. I don't even have a joke here.
July 16: The Alterna-Emmys, a.k.a. How Badly Did The Emmys Screw Up This Year, though I'm glad that Michael Emerson and Kristin Chenoweth actually won trophies.
July 15: I pretend to be a celebrity blogger and cattily rip apart the fashions of the Harry Potter cast at their film premiere.
July 13: An obituary for my cat. It's sad. You have no idea how much string has gone unbatted at our house in the last six months.
June 28: Random nonsense about Arnold Schwarzenegger, including a listing of the governator's top ten best movies. IT'S NAHT A TOO-MAH.
June 24: The fourth and final installment of the TV year in review, which also includes convenient links to the other three entries.
June 20: My picks of the best series, actors and actresses of 1980's TV. RIP Bea Arthur.
June 18: The only installment of Good Commercial/Bad Commercial of the year. Really? Have I become that blase about advertising? Or maybe it's just that thanks to digital cable, I barely see ads any more. The future is now.
June 13: My epic rivalry with a grouse that lived behind my house. Hmm, 'The Grouse Behind The House' is a great title for a children's book. Much better than my other working title, 'That Fucking Grouse.' F-bombs are usually discouraged in children's lit.
June 2: The epic 'best movies of our lives' series written by Kyle and I. This is the fourth installment, and it includes links to the previous three entries. You might notice that this most recent post was written six months ago and we still haven't gotten around to part five....yeah, we should probably get around to that at some point.
May 31: I analyze Archie's decision to propose to Veronica over Betty. Fun fact: I crosspost all of these posts to my Facebook page, and it was this note that received more comments than any other entry I've ever written. People are just genuinely fired up about Archie Andrews' love life. Bonus: this post also contains the post-script of my dream about a lesbian wedding between my future daughter and my buddy Trev's future daughter. Trev was not impressed.
May 27: My epic quest on Harvey's Free Hamburger Day.
May 24: The third part of my TV year in review series, focusing on reality shows. Or, to be specific, the two reality shows I actually watch.
May 14: The LOST year in review (a.k.a. the second part of my TV year in review, and yes, LOST earned a whole entry by itself). My enthusiasm level for the sixth season premiere: about an 18 out of 10.
May 11: My list of the best shows, actors and actresses on TV in the 1990's. Everyone take a step forward if you're on the list....not so fast, Lorenzo Lamas.
May 9: The first part of my epic TV year in review piece.
May 5: One of my better 'random nonsense' collections of the year, highlighted by an examination of the "twitterpated" scene in Bambi and an explanation of why I thought Twitter was useless. As it so happened, I got a Twitter account roughly...oh, two weeks after writing this post. Ah, spinelessness.
May 3: For reasons known only to myself, I decided to write out a list of every no-hitter in baseball history by date. Now updated to include 2009's no-nos!
April 30: My picks of the best TV series, actors and actresses of the 2000's. In hindsight I should've waited until a) the decade was actually over and b) until I had seen 'The Wire' to write this thing, but c'est la vie. If I had to do it again, I'd include Wire and 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' in the place of 'Angel' and 'How I Met Your Mother.'
April 13: The greatest rivalries in recorded history. Not included: any mention of the Pearl Jam song 'Rival,' Joe vs. the Volcano, or my rivalry against the monster under my bed. It's either a troll demon or a really old pair of slippers. Either way, it smells awful.
April 3: My Blue Jays season preview. I predicted them to win 75 games and got it BANG ON. I am truly the greatest baseball prognosticator of all time. (Note: not included in this 'best of' collection are my predictions for the rest of last season, when I picked Boston to beat Arizona in the World Series. Just a wee bit off on that one.)
March 30: I answer my spam e-mail. You know, it's been nine months and I still haven't received either my 500,000 pounds or a larger penis. Could those spams have been....a ripoff? Naw, no way.
March 22: Arguably the finest of my ongoing 'out-of-context texts' series.
March 11: The post detailing that bizarre nine-month span in 2003 when my friends and I all got a real kick out of punching/kicking each other in the nuts. An unofficial poll of my friends revealed this to be the greatest blog entry I've ever written, so it's got that going for it.
March 6: My weeklong series of posts devoted to U2's "No Line On The Horizon" album begins with a review of the record itself. Funny, at the time the title track was my least-favourite song of the disc. Now it's right near the top of the pile.
March 3: My list of the best 100 U2 songs of all time. Looking at this list months later, I want to make at least 25 changes.
March 1: The best and worst music videos U2 ever made. Hey, remember when bands actually made music videos? How quaint.
February 19: The 2009 Markademy Awards, celebrating my favourite movies of 2008.
February 16: An account of my legendary LaserQuest victory. It's briefer than the novel written about the event by Mike Lupica, but on the bright side, is better-written.
January 24: I run down the extensive week of festivities that led up to my 'Conception Day' (a.k.a. my birthday minus nine months). It was a busy time that thoroughly got my mind off the image of my parents having sex.
January 17: The 24 best villains in the history of the show '24.' This went much better than my listing of the top one villains in the history of 'Murder One.'
January 1: My list of the best posts of 2008. The fact that I'm repeating this link is probably a sign that this was a slow year.