The place: Canadian Tire. Just mentioning the name fills me with a weird sense of nostalgic national pride, plus my nose is suddenly filled with the smell of rubber. I went into my local CT in order to check out their watch inventory (my old watch met its end when I accidentally dropped it down a flight of stairs). I'll take a small sidebar here to note that I'm in that weird middle ground between "not wanting to spend any significant money on a watch since they're strictly a utilitarian piece of equipment" and "having a watch whatsoever, since you can always check the time on your phone." Ergo, my interest in Canadian Tire's wide array of watches for $20 or less.
Nothing caught my eye on this day, however, not to mention the fact that I was a bit cramped for time during my visit and (had I bought a watch) didn't have time for an obligatory trip to the jewelry store to get the battery installed. What I did have time for, however, was the obligatory browse of the sunglass rack on the fleeting, off-chance that….
…OH MY GOOD LORD. THEY EXIST. The glasses had frames that weren't 'quite' as outlandishly large as I'd hoped, and the inside of the lens were actually a shade of metallic pink. Still…large lenses, black tinted, and black plastic ear wraps that were just plain black without any goofy design on them. This was the 95% solution, and frankly, who isn't satisfied with 95 percent? The makers of Ivory soap? Get over yourselves, people. I'll take a ninety-five any day of the week.
So now I'm strutting around town with my fly sunglasses on, looking like the single coolest human being walking the face of the earth. You've probably seen me around town --- my presence will be alerted by a slight breeze, and you'll turn your head and literally be struck backwards by the tornado of style that's coming your way. "Holy smoke, does he even HAVE eyes? I can't see them! Whoaaa!", you'll excitedly yelp, high-fiving either your buddies or maybe some passersby if you happen to be a friendless degenerate. Then you'll go home and write a post about seeing me on your blog, give it a tag called 'Brushes With Greatness,' hesitate for a moment since that tag sounds vaguely douchey, then shrug and do it anyways since my sunglasses were just that outstanding.
The moral of the story is to never ever give up hope, kids. You never know when you'll find something wonderful to fill a seemingly un-fillable hole in your life. I'd like to think that my old glasses, wherever they may be, are happy that I've moved on with a new eyemate. My future is literally so bright, I have to wear these shades.