Monday, October 14, 2019

Departure Suite

It's technically Thanksgiving and all, but October 14 is also the day of the Sudden Departure, so....bit of a downer.

btw, most beautiful musical score in TV history?  It's got my vote.

Sunday, October 13, 2019

NBA Predictions

Hey, the Raptors are the reigning NBA champions!  Isn't it wild that that actually happened?  Turns out that the Raptors' win didn't cause the universe to collapse into itself, so they're going to go ahead and have another NBA season this year, and thus I have to make a new set of picks.

*obligatory "the conferences are absurdly lopsided, the West is ten times better than the East" comment*

I will say, this is the first time in ages (ever?) when I've actually had to put some thought into NBA predictions.  The league is so often ruled by a superteam that it's been very easy to just phone in a provisional pick of the Warriors, Spurs, Heat, or Lakers for the better part of the last two decades.  This season?  At least a half-dozen teams look like potential title contenders.  So into this brave new world, I'll go out on a limb and choose....the team who had the best record last season.

(stars indicate wild card teams)

Pacific: Clippers, Warriors*, Lakers*, Kings, Suns
Northwest: Nuggets, Trail Blazers*, Jazz*, Thunder, Timberwolves
Southwest: Rockets, Spurs*, Pelicans, Mavericks, Grizzlies

Central: Bucks, Pacers*, Pistons, Bulls, Cavaliers
Atlantic: 76ers, Celtics*, Raptors*, Nets*, Knicks 
Southeast: Heat, Hawks*, Magic, Wizards, Hornets

West finals: Trail Blazers over Clippers
East finals: Bucks over 76ers

NBA finals: Bucks over Trail Blazers in six games

Tuesday, October 08, 2019

I Know What I'm Doing

Folks, I'm sure you read this blog week after week and think to yourself, "wow, Mark is just the coolest, most with-it guys there is."  And while you're correct, even a perfectly wound clock is wrong twice a day....wait, that's not how that goes....ok, maybe I'm wrong three times a day.

The first two errors, a.k.a. examples of the ongoing cloud of stupidity that hangs over my head at all times, took place last week.  I was making dinner one night and cooked up some rice using my legendary recipe.  First, I pour a cup into a bowl.  Then, I pour a cup of water into the bowl.  Then, I put the covered bowl into the microwave for five minutes to cook, and then leave it in there for five minutes longer to let the water entirely soak in.  (Why the good people at Michelin haven't seen fit to award me at least one star is anyone's guess.)  So for this latest meal, I prepared my usual routine, and after ten minutes I headed downstairs to the kitchen....only to discover that I had forgotten the water.  So it was just a bowl of very hot, uncooked rice on my hands.

No matter, this was just ten wasted minutes of my life.  The second error was a bit more bothersome.

It involved doing the laundry, and as per routine, I simply dumped my clothes into the washer and headed upstairs to wait out the wash cycle.  (There isn't a Michelin Guide for laundering clothes, as far as I know, though I will modestly admit that my technique isn't anything special.)  After an hour, I went downstairs to move my clothes into the dryer.....only to realize that my clothes were *already* in the dryer.  Yes, that's right.  I'd dumped a load of dirty clothes into the dryer, tossed in a batch of Tide powder, and then walked away like a dope.

On the bright side, at least it wasn't liquid detergent.  That would've caused a much bigger problem than my actual, still-annoying problem, of having powder all over the place.  Well, it was nothing a quick once-over with the vacuum cleaner couldn't fix, and the only lasting damage was to my pride.

And now you know the truth, folks.  Your humble narrator isn't perfect.  It must be a hard thing to realize after all these many years, but look on the bright side.  At least you didn't spend ten minutes of your life vacuuming out a laundry dryer.

Monday, October 07, 2019

Diner Lobster

SNL just made a new batch of their old sketches (well, "old" as in a couple of years old) on YouTube available to international viewers, and the list of material includes....DINER LOBSTER.  One of the true laugh-out-loud, instant classic, "what the hell is going on?" sketches of in recent SNL history.


Tuesday, October 01, 2019

NHL Predictions

Hark!  A new hockey season is upon us!  Now that the Blues and Capitals have each ended their long Stanley Cup droughts, could another team be next?  Say, a team from Toronto? 

"Oh, did the Marlies get promoted to the NHL?"

Quiet, you.

CENTRAL DIVISION: Avalanche, Predators, Jets, Blues*, Stars*, Wild, Blackhawks

PACIFIC DIVISION: Golden Knights, Flames, Sharks, Coyotes, Oilers, Kings, Ducks, Canucks

ATLANTIC DIVISION: Maple Leafs, Lightning, Bruins, Panthers*, Canadiens, Sabres, Red Wings, Senators

METROPOLITAN DIVISION: Capitals, Hurricanes, Devils, Penguins*, Islanders, Flyers, Blue Jackets, Rangers

(the stars indicate the wild card teams)

Western Conference finals: Golden Knights over Jets
Eastern Conference finals: Capitals over Bruins (I'm sorry, I just can't pick the Leafs until it actually happens)

Stanley Cup finals: Golden Knights over Capitals

See, just like I said, another long-suffering franchise will finally get its first Stanley Cup.  Enjoy the title after three long years of waiting, Vegas fans!