Saturday, December 12, 2009

Betting Updates!

* It's been over two years since I lost a slap bet to my friend Kyle, and still, he has only cashed in on one of his allotted five slaps. And that first one took place very soon after I lost the bet in the first place, so Kyle has been biding his time like...uh....Joe Biden? I may have been saved somewhat by the fact that Kyle currently lives in Ajax, and thus I don't see him as often as I used to. Kyle also didn't know my address last year in Toronto, thus sparing me from hearing my buzzer ring, going downstairs and opening the door to receive a thunderous slap, and then sitting on my ass rubbing my sore cheek while Kyle played his dubbed Lionel Ritchie cover of "I Just Called To Say I'll Slap You." I presume he would do so while holding a boombox over his head like John Cusack in Say Anything.

Damn, I need to win a slap bet one of these days. I'd be so creative about it.

* I'm already mentally spending the $200,000 I will collect from my friend Sarah in 2017 in regards to our wager about the career prospects of Lindsay Lohan. Back in 2007, Sarah predicted that Lohan would win an Oscar sometime in the next ten years. I quickly jumped on that bet in the manner of a hungry bear jumping onto a piece of salmon. If Lohan was a trainwreck in 2007, by now she's become the living personification of that Calvin & Hobbes comic strip (see below) where a plane crash, trainwreck, earthquake and stove explosion all happen at the same spot. Even worse, she has gone from "unattractive and sketchy, but yeah, I'd still probably because who am I to talk?" to legitimately ugly in the span of just two years. In hindsight, I should've bet more than 200 grand. What should I spend the money on? Maybe an ostrich farm.

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