Thursday, July 12, 2007

DAMON + AFFLECK

IMDB on Friday....

Hollywood pals Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are writing their first screenplay together since 1997 hit Good Will Hunting. The pair were unknowns when they wrote and starred in the critically lauded movie, which won them an Academy Award for Best Screenplay in 1998. Since their success they have mostly gone their separate ways, with Affleck starring in blockbuster Armageddon and Damon in The Bourne Identity and its sequels. They are currently enjoying a joint holiday with their families in Hawaii - but are finally keen to team up again. Damon's spokesperson tells the New York Daily News, "That's their plan. Whether or not they are doing it right now, I don't know."

A hotel room, Honolulu. A double bed sits in the center of the room. There is a small laptop on a table. A balcony overlooks a brilliant ocean view.

Ben Affleck enters carrying a bottle of rum. He flops down on the bed while Matt Damon follows behind carrying a laptop bag. Damon sits down at the table and takes out the laptop.

BEN: Do you like pina coladas? And dancing in the rain?!

MATT: You don't have any pineapple juice. And those aren't the lyrics.

BEN: I'm on vacation! Lyrics don't matter. Lighten up, Bagger Vance.

MATT: For the 1000th time, Will Smith was Bagger Vance.

BEN: Did I ever tell you about the time I met Will Smith? Great guy, worked with him on Jersey Girl. You ever met him?

MATT: We were both in Bagger Vance!

BEN: Oh, right.

MATT: Now are we going to talk about movie stars we've met, or are we going to get some work done, like you promised?

BEN: Work! You bet, dude! Luciana and Jen have the kids for the afternoon, so it's four hours of straight-up scriptwriting. Let's get to it!

MATT: That's the spirit. Okay, page one, scene one, line one.

BEN: "That's the biggest waffle I've ever seen!"

MATT: ....Um, what?

BEN: That should be the first line. It gets people's attention. Someone says something about a big waffle, I know I'm turning my head to look.

MATT: We haven't even though up a premise yet.

BEN: Yeah, but that waffle line can go anywhere.

MATT: Anywhere.

BEN (hesitantly): Sure.

MATT: Ok, it's a movie about a presidential assassination. How does it start with "That's the biggest waffle I've ever seen!"

-----Ben sits in deep thought for 45 seconds while Matt drums his fingers on the desk-----

BEN: The president is eating his breakfast. Someone yells out "That's the biggest waffle I've ever seen!" President turns to look, he gets shot in the head. You see, the assassin was just lying about the waffle.

MATT: That's actually a somewhat reasonable answer. Stupid, but reasonable.

BEN: That's my motto, stupid but reasonable!

MATT: Seriously, what should the script be about? This was your idea in the first place.

BEN: Yeah man, Matt and Ben, back together, pounding at the keys like old times. Thunder and lightning!

MATT: Who calls us thunder and lightning?

BEN: Uh....Will Smith.

MATT: I give up, I'm playing solitaire.

BEN: Wait! I'll be good, I promise. Just give me a second here....a good premise, a good premise....Ok, Good Will Hunting was big because it was real, you know? Like, we grew up in Southie and people could tell, right? So we should do something from our personal experience again.

MATT: That's a good idea.

BEN: We should try for that kind of Good Will Hunting realism, or that Daredevil realism.

MATT: For the last time, hanging out with blind guys while preparing for Daredevil doesn't make you a method actor.

BEN: Sez you. I made enough bucks selling pencils to buy a new watch.

MATT: Could we focus here? The Daredevil nonsense aside, I like the idea of a script based on our own experiences. I guess the only problem is that 10 years ago, we were a couple of struggling actors with real-life experiences that people could relate to. Since then we've been living the life of Hollywood megastars. We could write true-to-life dialogue about, say, chatting with George Clooney, but I dunno if people will want to watch that.

BEN: Yeah, especially not with Clooney. (crosses arms)

MATT: Are we going to get into this again? I don't like Clooney more than I like you. He's just a buddy, a good buddy. You're my best pal.

BEN: I don't believe it.

MATT (deep sigh): You're my best pal in the whole wide world with a cherry on top.

---Ben throws the rum bottle against the wall-----

BEN: Woo-hoo! That's the spirit! Thunder and lightning, together again! Hey, that was actually clever, "that's the spirit." And I threw a bottle of spirits into the wall! Put that in the script! Oh damn, wait, I'm out of rum. I'll be right back.

-----Ben leaves. Matt sighs and picks up a cell phone.-----

MATT: Yes, this is Matt Damon calling for William Goldman. He'll know what it's about.

1 comment:

Kyle said...

Burn!

Although, for the record, Goldman swears up and down that this isn't true...