MISSED FLIES, MISSED CARDS, MISSED KRISTEN BELL


* I've spent literally the last 20 minutes trying to kill a fly that has been buzzing around my house. It's one of those irritating kinds that has a constant buzz going at all times but never lands. I mean, never. And it moves quickly enough that I can't just snap it out of air using my two moccasins as gloves. I've decided to submit and just wait until tomorrow to see if I can lure it out the front door. What a sad sack.

* It's been months since I've done a bad poker beat post, but this one is a doozy. This might be the worst beat I've ever had in my life. I'm playing a freeroll tournament online, and am about middle of the pack with 60-odd people left. I get pocket tens, raise the pot, and get only one caller (the big blind). The flop is A-10-8, with two clubs. So automatically I'm pleased. The guy checks and I check as well, hoping he has an ace and he thinks he's slow-playing me. Turn card is a nine of clubs. My spidey-sense starts tingling since now there's a flush potential, so after he checks, I put in a raise of about a third of the pot. He calls. River is another nine, so now I have the full house and am feeling like the cat's meow. I figured he doesn't have pocket aces since he would've re-raised on the turn to knock out the flush draw, so when he checks, I put in another third-of-the-pot bet to try and induce a call. At this point I'm thinking he has either nothing or a flush. So when he re-raises all-in, I figure I have him. But no... he has friggin' pocket nines. Four of a kind, runner runner. I sat there open-mouthed as my stack was reduced to barely enough to cover the blinds. I was knocked out a few hands later.

Now, this was in a free tournament that cost me zero dollars, but I was incredibly ticked off. This is why I could never be a professional poker player --- if that beat had taken place in a hand worth thousands of dollars, I would've been homicidal. Perhaps had this hand occurred right now, I even would've been enraged enough to destroy my kitchen in order to kill this fly.

* The Dodgers signed David Wells. Sometimes I wish my parents had conditioned me to be left-handed. I could've potentially been a major league pitcher and played for years after I stopped being effective. What do the Dodgers hope to gain with this signing? Sure, they're hurting for southpaws (only three on the entire pitching staff), but the lefty-righty matchup dance is a lot less effective when the lefty really sucks. We've already learned Wells can't hack it in the NL West and in a pitcher's park. Maybe L.A. just wants to learn some of San Diego's signs.

* And finally, an addendum to an item in my post two days ago about Kristen Bell joining the cast of Heroes. My jaw hit the floor when TV Guide's Michael Ausiello reported that Bell was offered a recurring role on LOST as an Other named Charlotte that may have been become regular. I kid you not when I say that had this gone down, I would've done a small gig around the living room. Possibly some self high-fives. Anyway, Bell turned it down because she didn't want to move to Hawaii. WTF? Who wouldn't want to move to Hawaii?! It's not like the show is shooting in Wilmington, Delaware or something. The bad news about this item is that now I'm going to be unfairly judging whomever ends up playing Charlotte, since it's not likely they're topping Kristen Bell. Maybe they'll bring back Maggie Grace or Kiele Sanchez to play totally different characters just to fuck with everyone's heads some more.

The other interesting tidbit is that new roles were reportedly offered to both Bell and, get this, Peter Stormare. That's right, German engineering in da house, yah! Presumably the cast for next year will grow by just two, with Harold Perrineau coming back to replace Dom Monaghan and the new Charlotte and Stormare characters. That's probably a better idea than last year's move of five new regulars -- Ben and Desmond bumped into the main cast, introducing Juliet and then bringing in Nikki and Paulo for, apparently, no reason. If there's only 16 episodes next season anyway, there's only so much room for characters to have flashbacks/flashforwards.

* I'm sorry, I can't let this go. Dammit! Kristen Bell on LOST....the possibilities were endless. That could've been amazing. After learning about such a missed opportunity, I don't know what could possibly raise my spirits...

....oh wait. This. We want the Eliminator!