Thursday, February 04, 2016

Random Nonsense

I spent a few minutes thinking about how old Tilda Swinton is, made my guess, looked it up, and was off by 10 years.


The Broncos have won about 10 games this year by keeping the score close, counting on their great defense, and getting just enough out of their craptastic offense to pull out a sloppy victory.  If you look at the Super Bowl winners carried by great defenses, this year’s Broncos are certainly a cut below the ’86 Bears, 2000 Ravens, 2014 Seahawks, the 70’s Steelers — but they might be the equal or better of the 2002 Buccaneers or the 2003 Patriots.

So the question is, are the Panthers better than the 2002 Raiders or the 2003, uh, Panthers?  I have to say clearly yes, since those teams didn’t have a singular weapon like Cam Newton.  Let’s not overlook the fact that Carolina is a whopping 17-1, and they’ve really had only a few games that were even close.  On paper, this seems like it could be a blowout, and it’s not hard to imagine Peyton Manning being as shellshocked by Carolina’s defense (no slouches themselves) just as Carson Palmer was two weeks ago, or as Russell Wilson was in the first half three weeks ago.  Never forget, Peyton Manning is a mediocre-to-lousy postseason quarterback, and that was when he was at the peak of his powers.  Shell-of-himself Peyton has been playing with house money for two weeks and it could come crashing down against the Panthers as it did against the Seahawks in Super Bowl 48.

Since Denver keeps it close even in the worst of times, I have to predict a close game, but ultimately it’s still a Panthers victory.  Call it a 25-14 score for Carolina.


I really ran quite the gamut of emotions watching the “Pride & Prejudice & Zombies” trailer.  My first, third, and fifth thoughts were, “wait, they’re taking this seriously?”  My second thought was that seeing Charles Dance play an actual supportive father is even more off-putting than seeing the zombies.  My fourth thought was that apparently Jane Austen’s original novel actually included a big zombie attack subplot, but William Goldman convinced her to just focus on the love story.


Vulture’s list of the most influential jokes in history is pretty solid, if with a few notable omissions.  I mean, if you’re citing numerous sitcoms already, how do you leave off “as god as witness, I thought turkeys could fly?”  And nothing at all, not even one of Norm’s one-liners, from Cheers?

If you had to include only one Simpsons joke, however, Homer’s two falls into Springfield Gorge is the best possible choice.  The first time I ever saw that episode, at 10 or 11 years old, stands as one of the single hardest laughs of my life.  I’m honestly not sure I’ve ever laughed more at anything.  That said, if I had to pick the best Simpsons joke based on sheer cleverness…. 

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