Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Motley Cruz

An ultra-important follow-up to the Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer promos posted the other day…now here’s the REJOINDER from the man himself, Motley Cruz

I’m honestly not sure what I was expecting from an 80’s small-promotion pro wrestling heel named “Motley Cruz.”  I guess maybe someone doing a really terrible knockoff of Nikki Sixx or Tommy Lee?  Secretly, I was hoping it was someone who went on to become a super-famous WWF star and this was just his starting-out gimmick in the minors — like, it’d turn out that Motley Cruz was the Undertaker or something. 

Instead we get this guy, who looks and sounds like Wolfman Jack had a son whose life went off the rails.  A thick beard AND an 80’s afro-perm?  Have mercy.

Needless to say, this is a much better promo than Farmer’s (how could it not be?) yet content-wise, it’s just as silly.  The key is delivery.  Cruz isn’t exactly the Rock here, but man, his promo is just better than Farmer’s in every way.  To wit…

* I actually know what the conflict is between these two now!  Farmer beat Cruz in a match, Motley was upset and (I’m guessing) attacked him afterwards, leading to Farmer being upset about ‘having the tables turned.’  This set up their rematch, which Motley won and led to Farmer’s hilarious “welp, I lost, sucks to be me” interview.

* Cruz actually sounding vaguely threatening and tough, which you’d think would be par for the course for any pro wrestler not named Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer.  Consider my “would you like this promo to be cut on you?” test from my earlier post.  If you spilled your drink on Motley Cruz in a bar and he said all this to you, you’d be scared half to death and apologizing profusely/begging for your life.  While Cruz’s hair is the height (literally) of silliness, he absolutely looks like a guy who’s been in a few brawls in his life, whereas Farmer looked like an understudy forced onstage in the wrong part.

* Straight-up threatening to attack Farmer outside of the ring, which is pretty standard wrestling promo fare, but it’s notable here just because of the hilarious imagery of Jeff Farmer on a date.

“Gee Jeff, thanks for asking me out.  I’m having a really good time.  Are you?”

I don’t know how the third match in this epic rivalry turned out, but in the promo battle, it’s game-set-match for Motley Cruz.

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