Whenever your party is held the day before your actual birthday, you should remember that it means your actual b-day will involve a little bit of sufferin'. I've spent the day auditioning for the Bradley Cooper role in Hangover 2, except minus the tazing and stealing a tiger from Mike Tyson. Instead, I nicky-nicky-nine doored George Chuvalo. (btw, I'm in the Cooper role because nobody can replace Galifianakis, and I think the Ed Helms role was already filled by my pal Matt, who married a stripper. Wait, on second thought, he might have just bought her a drink. Wait, on third thought, it wasn't a stripper, but rather my friend James. Hmm, my apologies to all, especially James, who is a much better actor than Heather Graham.)
Discoveries from last night's festivities....
* I can remember the lyrics to the Spice Girls' "Stop" just as well drunk as I do sober. Either way, it's still strange.
* A surprisingly large number of my friends have been to Salt Lake City.
* Facebook needs to highlight their 'event invitations' block far more prominently on the main page.
* Leaving a prank-call voice message displaying mock outrage at a non-attendee is the kind of joke that seems a lot less funny the next day.
* If someone brings cupcakes to a birthday party, they will be devoured quicker than if you dump a pig into a piranha tank.
* The polar bear is my favourite shot, thus leading to the line "I've got more polar bears in me than the Dharma Initiative."
* If Toronto's pizza establishments say they're open until 3 AM, they really mean they're jerks who lock up at 2:45.
Thanks to all who attend l'affair d'Mark last evening, and your presence earned you a present. Please enjoy a bat fight.