Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Random Nonsense

One downside to being in London: I missed a notable anniversary. On Nov. 6, 2006, Kevin Federline received a text message from Britney Spears informing him that she was divorcing his ass. K-Fed got the news while he was eating dinner at the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in downtown Toronto near the Hilton. My pal Brian informed me of this fact last year, and we were both upset that we missed the date. So a vague plan was hatched to go to Ruth's Chris on Nov. 6 of this year in order to commemorate.....uh, this man's marriage falling apart. It's sort of like our version of Remembrance Day, minus the veterans and without a recitation of 'In Flanders' Fields." My alternate composition, "In Ruth's Steakhouse" lacks some of the emotion. It's probably due to the fact that of the 15 lines, 12 of them end with the word 'steak.' This means I even rhymed 'steak' with 'steak.' I'm a worse lyricist than Federline himself.

Anyway, Brian and I both completely forgot about our arrangement and since I moved back to London on the fifth, the situation couldn't have even been salvaged by a late-evening 'oh shit!' phone call. Sigh. Until next year. Remember remember the sixth of November.....


One upside to being in London: the Rainbow Cinema in the delightfully tomb-like Galleria. Not only did I enjoy in not one, but two movies this afternoon (ah, cheap Tuesday --- two films for a mere $8.40), but I continued my streak of always finding something amusing when attending the Rainbow. Once, it was running into my former high school drama and English teachers, respectively, and having an awkward 10-minute conversation featuring my trying to not bring up the fact that I missed out on some scholarship money since my English teacher refused to bump my 88 up to a 90 in OAC English. Bitter. Ness. There was also the time I went to see a film and literally all of the half-dozen employees working that day were goths. Not full-out goths, but just makeup and black hair while in their Rainbow Cinema uniforms.

Anyway, today's bit of amusement came from the Muzak they play in the theatres before the shows. It's not just regular Muzak, no sir. It's Muzak versions of Foo Fighters and Radiohead songs. You haven't lived until you've heard "Big Me" on the violin and cello. And I'll tell you, it still made me instinctively want to go to the snack counter and get some Mentos. That damn video. Had the cover of "High & Dry" been played, I'm sure I would've wanted to eat fries in a styrofoam box (bomb optional).


I've been informed that the midget in the InterCasino.net commercial looks exactly like me, if I were roughly two feet shorter. Upon further review, this appears to be correct. I have no joke here.


The ballots have been counted, and it's Bartlett by a landslide in the 'best fictional president' poll. Ol' Jed took 38 percent of the ballot and was the only candidate to get more than two votes. The runner-up, hilariously, was Kang. If you're wondering how a tyrannical alien overlord could possibly get any support, well, now you know how I feel looking at the US the last eight years. Collecting one vote each were Merkin Muffley, David Palmer, Jackson Evans, Jack Ryan, Dave Kovic and Alan Alda's unnamed president in Canadian Bacon.

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