Thursday, April 24, 2008


LOST returns tonight, and hopefully we'll finally get an answer to whether or not we should be capitalizing the title at all times or not. Ok, this probably won't be covered on the show, but from site to site it varies between just 'Lost' or LOST. I usually try to ignore weird uppercase-lowercase battles (e.e. cummings, treblecharger, RACHAEL RAY) but I dunno, the capitals do make it stand out more.

Uh, so, the actual show. Eight (OMG ONE OF THE NUMBERS~~~~!) predictions about the rest of the Lost season.

1. I will continue to hate Grey's Anatomy. The plan post-strike for LOST was to produce five more episodes, but thanks to a powwow with ABC, a sixth episode of Lost will be produced this season. We'll get new episodes each week from now until the 15th, then it's a week off, then a two-hour finale on May 29. Now, I use the word 'episodes' when I really mean 'hours of the show.' Six hours will be produced, not necessarily six episodes, since Lindelof/Cuse have said that the last three hours are basically being written as one giant three-hour finale. So, damn, that's pretty sweet. The strike only costs us three of the 17 hours of Lost we were promised this year, which I can live with.

So why the one-week gap between the three-hour finale? Grey's Anatomy is having a two-hour finale on May 22. It's inevitable that I would dislike this show given the penis and testicles that hang between my legs, but man, when this piece of soap opera crap interferes with my Lost, then it's time for fightin'.

2. LOST will officially change its name to the Ben Linus Hour. This season has been all about Ben. The boat people are looking for him. He's alive in the future and is apparently Sayid's boss. Apparently he seems to have some way of getting on and off the Island at will. He has revealed to Locke that Charles Widmore is allegedly the big bad guy behind the freighter and the ultimate villain going against the Island. Whenever Ben is not on screen, the other characters are asking "Where's Ben?" Ok, it hasn't quite reached Poochie levels yet, but even still. Quite frankly, I can live with this. I'd rather have a Ben-centric season than yet more focus on Jack, just because Michael Emerson is a better actor than Matt Fox and I'm not sick to bloody death of Ben as I am Dr. Shepherd.

The added focus on Ben gives credence to the theory that he's the guy in the casket that we saw in last year's finale. We know from Sayid's flashback that Ben is off of the Island in the future. If he dies in the future, then that could be why Jack is so upset --- their last, best chance to getting back to the Island is gone. Or, it could also mean that since Ben is dead, the Island no longer has a hold over them, as it seems to over Michael (i.e. not letting him shoot himself or die in the car wreck). Actually, I'd predict the scene where Ben dies to go something like this.

Claire: Hi Ben. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?
Ben: Yes, I certainly do. I have to go now. My planet needs me.

Ben then dies on the way back to his home planet. You know, in remembering that Simpsons scene, it's amazing how close Claire's voice is to that of Itchy. If Itchy was from Brisbane, they'd be identical voice twins and could co-headline a show with Joey Tribbiani and that casino dealer.

3. We've actually seen all of the Oceanic Six. Leave it to LOST to leave everyone guessing if we've learned something as simple as the number of people in a group. We know it's Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid and Sun, but some people aren't sure if baby Aaron is the sixth person or not. I think he has to be --- unless there's some weird time thing going on, people can do simple math and realize that Aaron must've been born sometime during the time that the O6 spent on their 'deserted island' after the crash. If you're a newspaper headline writer, would you refer to a group of six people and a baby who survived a plane crash as The Oceanic Seven, or as The Oceanic Six And A Baby? Since Ted Danson, Tom Selleck and Steve Guttenberg aren't on LOST, I'd go with the former, which means that Aaron is one of the big six.

4. We'll know how the Oceanic Six get off of the Island. This seems to be the most reasonable plot for the season finale. We seem to be building to a big showdown between the gun-wielding Freighter People and the two groups of castaways, and it's likely here where the O6 somehow escape. According to Jack's story at Kate's trial, the 'official story' of the Oceanic Six's survival is this: eight people survived the plane crash, they were stranded on a desert island (not The Island), two died in the interim and the rest were eventually found. Since we know about the O6 now, the bigger question is who are the Oceanic Two, a.k.a. the people who died in between the crash and the rescue. It seems like one of them almost has to be Claire, since there is no other way to explain Aaron's existence, but that doesn't explain why Kate would have custody of Aaron in the future. Even if Claire died while telling Kate to "watch over my bay-beeeee," a court of law wouldn't let that stand, especially given that Kate was charged with murder.

5. We'll learn how Jin dies, or, we'll learn IF Jin dies. The big hint coming from the Jin/Sun episode concerning Jin's apparent death is that the date of death on his tombstone was Sept. 22, 2004, the day of the plane crash. So unless Juliet is mistaken about Ji Yeon's date of conception, then it makes no sense that Sun is claiming Jin is the father since he wouldn't have been alive in order to impregnate Sun about a month after the crash. Now, Sun never actually told anyone in the real world that Jin was actually the father of her baby, only that Jin was her husband (which the nurses wrote off as labour-induced delirium). So that detail brought a confusing twist to what was a pretty emotional end to the episode. It's possible that a) Jin dies protecting Sun or the other castaways from the Freighties, b) Jin is one of the Oceanic Two, and per the cover story stayed alive long enough to impregnate Sun before finally dying due to crash-related injuries, and the tombstone date was just a guess since presumably the O6 couldn't keep track of time on a deserted island or c) Jin is still alive and living on the Island, and was left behind for reasons yet unknown. Sun could still have reason to weep at Jin's grave, since it would suck to have the love of your life trapped somewhere on a mysterious island and not able to see his daughter born.

6. Everyone will get their flashbacks. I'm probably the only one that's anal about this, but when a 16-episode season gets shortened, you have to wonder who (if anyone) will get shafted from their centric episode. It gets even more confusing when you factor in that the last three 'episodes' are being considered one big episode. The remaining flash-less main cast members this season are Ben, Locke, Claire, Jack and Sawyer. If, as I surmise, the finale episode does deal with the Oceanic Six leaving the Island, it's safe to assume that the flash-forward portion of the show will detail their return to the Island. Here's my predictions for the flash order...

E9 (tonight): Locke
E10: Sawyer
E11: Claire
E12 ('finale' part one): Ben
E13 (two-hour finale): Jack

Locke, Sawyer and Claire get their episodes out of the way before the big finish. The first third of the finale shows Ben in the future dying and ending up in the casket, thus getting off Jack's breakdown that we saw in last year's final episode. The two-parter then shows Jack in the future rounding up Hurley, Sun, Sayid, Kate and (presumably) Aaron as they find some way back to the Island. This dovetails nicely with the 'present-day' plot of everyone trying to fend off the Freighties and the Oceanic Six actually getting off of the Island.

7. The Smoke Monster will show up. Ol' Smokey hasn't made an appearance yet this season, so I think we can count on his non-corporeal ass showing up sometime in the last six episodes. If he really is the Island's "security system," as Rousseau claims, then an invasion by a bunch of mercenaries certainly counts as Smokey's time to shine. The one qualifier here is that I'm assuming Smokey and Jacob aren't one in the same, since we've already seen Jacob once. Oh, speaking of Danielle...

8. Danielle isn't dead. No way does a character that important to the first four seasons just die without fanfare in the last two minutes of an episode. No way could she die without at least a flashback episode. It's true that LOST killed Libby without giving her a flashback, but still, Danielle seems way more integral to the Island's history and to just dispatch her at the hands of some jungle snipers seems like a waste. Now Karl, he's dead. Ben won't have to worry about his precious daughter getting pregnant (or, even worse, a Hot Karl) from Karl anymore. Here's a nagging Karl Kwestion: where the hell did he come from? If women can't get pregnant on the island, how was Karl born? Was he brought to the Island as an infant? When did the birthing problems begin for the Other women? When since the start of the season did Karl get that girly-man haircut that ranked a 0.8 on the Chigurh Scale? Seriously, Karl suddenly popped up last episode looking like Jerry in that episode where he is cheating on his barber.

I really need to stop writing these Lost previews a few hours before the newest episode. It's very probably that by the time you read this, the episode will be over and my projections will have been proven completely wrong. Bah.

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