ON NOTICE!



You lads will have the toughest job of your life now that Bob Knight is part of the team. If this video is any indication, your finger had better be on the button like sanitation commissioner Ray "Old Man" Patterson.

Ok, seriously, she got bingoes on the first two words she played in the game. I was down something like 150-16 after two turns. DAMN YOU MEGAN. YOU ARE MY WHITE WHALE.

I've got no beef with Billy Crystal. He's a great Oscar host. He was fantastic on Saturday Night Live. Anyone whose credits include When Harry Met Sally, Spinal Tap and Princess Bride is good in my books. That being said, if one of the Pittsburgh pitchers intentionally hits him with a pitch, it will be one of the great moments in baseball history. Can't the Pirates counter with an old comedian of their own? Surely Joe Flaherty has always had a soft spot for the Bucs.

If Hillary wins every single delegate in every single primary left...she'll still be behind Obama in the delegate count. So what is she hoping for? That everyone else in America suddenly becomes as ignorant as Geraldine Ferraro? I have no real beef with Hillary per se (she and Obama are like 90% in agreement on most of the major issues), but Obama just brings more to the table at this point. If Obama runs, the Democrats will pick up Senate and House seats across the board on his coattails and he'll almost certainly beat John McCain. If Hillary runs, she'll probably still beat McCain since Americans are so disgusted by the last eight years of Republican rule, but it'll be a lot more up in the air. Plus, Dems running in southern states will suffer since their opponents can point to Hillary as the 'liberal demon' that will be running the party. So really, is there any upside to preferring Hillary at this point? Wouldn't it be kind of like voting for Tracy Flick from Election? BTW, this marks the first and only time that Barack Obama will be compared, even indirectly, to Chris Klein. I'm hoping Obama has never said "Suck me, beautiful" to a chick in the front seat of a car. He's not Eliot Spitzer.

Sigh. It begins. And of all the people to get hurt, it's the guy the Jays were looking at to be either the fifth starter or a quality set-up man. On the bright side, at least the injuries started in spring training and not actually during the season this year. Wait...is that a bright side?

Housing Search '08 has concluded, though I have a lot fewer wacky stories than last year. There was only one that stood out as being particularly daft. It was an apartment that the guy had just moved into, and he said over the phone that there wasn't much furniture. I'll say. I get there and the only thing he has in his entire living room is a) a tiny, black-and-white TV, b) a single rug in the middle of the room (it really tied the room together) and c) a giant bong. At first glance I thought it was a lamp. Now, I'm no narc or anything (though Mark The Narc is a catchy nickname), but come on --- when you're showing a stranger an apartment, is it really a smart move to have the drug paraphenalia front and center? I could've been a cop, for all he knew. Plus, when your entire living room set consists of a TV, rug and a bong, it raises questions about how this guy is living while he "gets moved in." Like, is he spending his days sitting cross-legged on the rug, blowing smoke rings in the air while listening to Dark Side on his stereo? Wait, scratch that, there wasn't even a stereo.

Hey, speaking of Eliot Spitzer. I tried really hard to come up with a 'Spitzer Swallows' type of joke here, but couldn't quite properly figure it out. Any suggestions?

My god, the snow. It just keeps coming and coming. My snow shovels lie cracked and broken like Springfield's Main Street ("Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken") due to the ice build-up on our driveway. It's been above zero the last couple of days, so the ice is gone and things have quieted down, but I can't help but think that March has one last blizzard left in her. Fun fact: almost every time I've had to go to Toronto in the last few months (be it for work, for house-hunting, etc.) I've had to postpone due to a massive snowstorm that happens either the night before I go or the morning of. I finally just sucked it up last Wednesday and headed down the 401 in spite of the swirling winds that enveloped London that morning. Mark 1, Mother Nature 0.