I recently watched ‘Drunken Master’ and have some thoughts….
* The next time I’m in a “best athlete ever” debate, I’m going to mention Jackie Chan. I don’t actually believe this (the best athlete ever is Andre “Red Light” Racicot), but man, Chan in his prime was just unreal. I’d only seen middle-aged Jackie Chan from his North American movies, so I couldn’t have been more impressed at seeing Vintage Jackie for the first time.
* Do you like action scenes? There are at least 20 kung fu fights over a 90-minute runtime! Look no further than Drunken Master for your action movie needs!
* Do you like live-action cartoons? That’s basically the movie, given Jackie’s comedic fighting style. At one point he actually farts in an opponent’s face, then tosses him face-first into a pile of feces that just happens to be nearby. Imagine a violent Adam Sandler…or, wait, I remember the Bob Barker incident. Okay, a MORE violent Adam Sandler.
* But Jackie is no Bugs Bunny omnipotent type. He spends a good half of the movie getting thoroughly beaten up and humiliated by any number of opponents, including a) his own aunt, b) the drunken master himself and c) a gang of, I guess, really aggressive waiters and bouncers at a local restaurant? Some explanation on the latter…Chan tries to scheme his way out of paying for a meal, which leads to at least a half-dozen guys trying to beat him down. They win via sheer numbers, and punish Jackie by repeatedly punching him in the stomach to make him vomit up the food he stole. Good lord! On a related note, this is also how they deal with shoplifters at Arby’s. The best part is that Jackie is trying to skip out of a meal that costs a grand total of $1.05. I’m shocked the restaurant owner can afford to hire so many goons with such rock-bottom prices.
* The plot, as it were, is that Jackie is a cocky young martial artist and the son of a great kung fu master. Despite his skills, Jackie is definitely in need of some humbling, so his father arranges for him to be taught by an eccentric old-timer who is an expert in the art of “drunken fighting,” which is essentially just trying to be as unpredictable and seemingly off-balance as possible (as if you’re drunk) so your opponent can’t predict your next move. Spoiler alert — things work out for the best for Jackie, though if the father wanted his son to learn truly advanced kung fu from a master, why not just send Jackie to his aunt? She seems to be at least tied for first place in the ‘biggest badass in the movie’ standings. Jackie does eventually win the final fight by adopting a so-called “feminine” style, so maybe that’s a nod to Auntie Wong’s mastery.
* In classic Spider-Man fashion, the main villain (Thunderleg) bests Jackie easily in their first meeting. Jackie is drying his pants off over a fire when they first encounter each other, and after Thunderleg wins the fight, he adds insult to injury by burning Jackie’s pants up in the flames. Jackie Chan recently received an honorary Oscar for his incredible contributions to international cinema, though I’d argue he should’ve received an actual Oscar for his emotional response to watching his pants get burned. Who won Best Actor in 1978, Jon Voight? Please. Sure, Voight had to capture the physical and emotional pain of a Vietnam veteran, but does that compare to the torment of watching one’s own pants burned in front of one?! I think not!
* Thunderleg is the big bad, though there is a very notable minor villain with the name of “Rat, the Iron-Headed Bullet.” This fellow’s big move is to just lower his (admittedly hard) head and run at people. It’s a pretty great gimmick for a ‘little bad,’ sort of like how every opponent in Punch-Out has a specific strength that you have to stay away from.
* I figure this was due to some creative dubbing rather than the original screenplay, but there are some A+ insults in the dialogue. After the soaking-wet Jackie sasses Thunderleg, the villain responds with “a big mouth on a wet ass.” I mean, Jackie is indeed drenched and his character is indeed a big-mouth….but geez, Thunderleg, that’s a Tobias Bluth-level example of trash talk. Later in the film, after Thunderleg insults Jackie’s father, Jackie retorts with “You watch out, or you’ll have a body with no ass.” Good lord, what kind of martial art is so destructive that it can somehow remove someone’s hindquarters and yet still leave the body functioning? Or, was Jackie’s point that he’d ‘remove’ the ass in the sense of sticking something where the sun don’t shine? So many unanswered questions, I may need to watch Drunken Master 2.
* The next time I’m in a “best athlete ever” debate, I’m going to mention Jackie Chan. I don’t actually believe this (the best athlete ever is Andre “Red Light” Racicot), but man, Chan in his prime was just unreal. I’d only seen middle-aged Jackie Chan from his North American movies, so I couldn’t have been more impressed at seeing Vintage Jackie for the first time.
* Do you like action scenes? There are at least 20 kung fu fights over a 90-minute runtime! Look no further than Drunken Master for your action movie needs!
* Do you like live-action cartoons? That’s basically the movie, given Jackie’s comedic fighting style. At one point he actually farts in an opponent’s face, then tosses him face-first into a pile of feces that just happens to be nearby. Imagine a violent Adam Sandler…or, wait, I remember the Bob Barker incident. Okay, a MORE violent Adam Sandler.
* But Jackie is no Bugs Bunny omnipotent type. He spends a good half of the movie getting thoroughly beaten up and humiliated by any number of opponents, including a) his own aunt, b) the drunken master himself and c) a gang of, I guess, really aggressive waiters and bouncers at a local restaurant? Some explanation on the latter…Chan tries to scheme his way out of paying for a meal, which leads to at least a half-dozen guys trying to beat him down. They win via sheer numbers, and punish Jackie by repeatedly punching him in the stomach to make him vomit up the food he stole. Good lord! On a related note, this is also how they deal with shoplifters at Arby’s. The best part is that Jackie is trying to skip out of a meal that costs a grand total of $1.05. I’m shocked the restaurant owner can afford to hire so many goons with such rock-bottom prices.
* The plot, as it were, is that Jackie is a cocky young martial artist and the son of a great kung fu master. Despite his skills, Jackie is definitely in need of some humbling, so his father arranges for him to be taught by an eccentric old-timer who is an expert in the art of “drunken fighting,” which is essentially just trying to be as unpredictable and seemingly off-balance as possible (as if you’re drunk) so your opponent can’t predict your next move. Spoiler alert — things work out for the best for Jackie, though if the father wanted his son to learn truly advanced kung fu from a master, why not just send Jackie to his aunt? She seems to be at least tied for first place in the ‘biggest badass in the movie’ standings. Jackie does eventually win the final fight by adopting a so-called “feminine” style, so maybe that’s a nod to Auntie Wong’s mastery.
* In classic Spider-Man fashion, the main villain (Thunderleg) bests Jackie easily in their first meeting. Jackie is drying his pants off over a fire when they first encounter each other, and after Thunderleg wins the fight, he adds insult to injury by burning Jackie’s pants up in the flames. Jackie Chan recently received an honorary Oscar for his incredible contributions to international cinema, though I’d argue he should’ve received an actual Oscar for his emotional response to watching his pants get burned. Who won Best Actor in 1978, Jon Voight? Please. Sure, Voight had to capture the physical and emotional pain of a Vietnam veteran, but does that compare to the torment of watching one’s own pants burned in front of one?! I think not!
* Thunderleg is the big bad, though there is a very notable minor villain with the name of “Rat, the Iron-Headed Bullet.” This fellow’s big move is to just lower his (admittedly hard) head and run at people. It’s a pretty great gimmick for a ‘little bad,’ sort of like how every opponent in Punch-Out has a specific strength that you have to stay away from.
* I figure this was due to some creative dubbing rather than the original screenplay, but there are some A+ insults in the dialogue. After the soaking-wet Jackie sasses Thunderleg, the villain responds with “a big mouth on a wet ass.” I mean, Jackie is indeed drenched and his character is indeed a big-mouth….but geez, Thunderleg, that’s a Tobias Bluth-level example of trash talk. Later in the film, after Thunderleg insults Jackie’s father, Jackie retorts with “You watch out, or you’ll have a body with no ass.” Good lord, what kind of martial art is so destructive that it can somehow remove someone’s hindquarters and yet still leave the body functioning? Or, was Jackie’s point that he’d ‘remove’ the ass in the sense of sticking something where the sun don’t shine? So many unanswered questions, I may need to watch Drunken Master 2.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment