Thursday, October 11, 2012

Heritage Moments!

Great news, patriots!  They're producing more Canadian Heritage minutes!  Who can forget the legendary series of commercials that gave an entire generation of Canadians a go-to catchphrase anytime anyone mentioned burnt toast, re-created Rocket Richard's serial killer eyes and taught us that Marshall McLuhan wouldn't shut the fuck up?  The best part of these new ads is that the Historica-Dominion Institute is accepting suggestions for fresh historical moments to be immortalized in future ads.  So, I can't help but propose that we see Heritage ads based on these great moments in Canada's history….

* Alanis Morrissette goes to the theatre with Dave Coulier.

* Ross Rebagliati's chastened, exasperated "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude" after he was told he failed his Olympic drug test.

* That proud day when RIM stock was made available for purchase.

* Retrospective on the life and times of Robin Sparkles.

* Someone wins a free coffee on Roll Up The Rim and gets way too excited about it.

* The Hinterland Who's Who series.  Sure, it's odd to celebrate another long-running ad series in a commercial, but c'mon, without Who's Who, where else would we have learned about puffins?

* Tom Green painting a lesbian orgy on the hood of his parents' car, then going to pick his dad up at the bus stop in said car.

* That one time on Air Farce when Jessica Holmes was actually funny.

* Bobby Clarke's all-time cheap shot of slashing (and breaking) Valeri Kharlamov's ankle during the Summit Series, putting a huge giant rat-shaped asterisk next to Canada's victory.  (Hey, I'm happy Canada won, but let's be honest, Bobby Clarke was a dirty player.)

* The Kim Campbell administration. I think they can literally fit the whole thing into a minute-long commercial.

* The Lavigne/Kroeger marriage proposal.

* Just a full minute of Paul Gross standing there in an RCMP uniform, not saying a word.

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