Out-Of-Context Texts In My Phone Inbox, Volume VII

The identities of the texters will remain anonymous....that is, until I get my book deal. Then I'm spilling the beans on all of you suckers. I'll be laughing all the way to the bank! MWA HA HA HA HA!


"Why does golf insist on sabotaging itself sometimes?"

"Holy fuck."

"Do you have a friend named Dave Stewart?"

"Hmm. Long shot."

"We broke up a longggg time ago!"

"Fun! I just got my first car! When r u coming back to London? We can go cruising!"

"Thurs night??"

"Boot camp is until 7, so I can probably make it for 8ish. But if someone else wants to play I can come another week!"

"But --- Simpsons trivia! Enjoy London."

"Yeah."

"Am just outside."

"Hi Mark! Just got your message. I'm on the train coming back from Montreal. Would like to see the flick but I have a dodgeball game tomorrow! Also, I doubt it will be as good as Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants TWO."

"Ummm yes. But no. :("

"I can't fucking believe that."

"Haha!"

"They need a provision to 'cure' certain rules in certain cases. Like trials where they admit evidence that was collected in breach of the Charter."

"Pittsburgh is so friendly! Thank you!!"

"So, as discussed, I am in town next weekend. Saturday lunch w/ Louise and her friend sound good?"

"FUCKING AWFUL"

"Montreal was a delightful feast! Also very much enjoyed the fully air conditioned hotel!"

"Yo is anyone coming other than family?"

"Making my way (in the world today). Where does trivia happen?"

"Lol! Well she is def dating him!"

"Call it 940."

"But which one? The main one?"

"When you back?"

"So sorry! I meant to send that to someone else!"

"Though again, how much worse would it be if he buried the putt and THEN this happened?"

"I'm in Toronto now. Can I call your cell?"

"28th? No, I could do that."

"Swell. Is there room for me?"

"NAILED IT. He fucking Watsoned that one."

"Ok! I was just testing your trivia and general knowledge."

"Oh my god."

"It sounds so familiar! I thought it was from you! But it's prob a pretty common name!"

"Imagine if he had made that."

"How can it be a bunker if the gallery has been standing in it all day?"

"Curtis hacked it lol"

"Noooooooooo"

"What a score!"

"I was all set to say yes to Monday, but then someone just asked me to take her Monday shift today! :( Lemme check my schedj and let you know."

"Yep, when and where?"

"Thanks again for the invite, entertainment and ride!"

"What is the team record for Ks?"

"Poor Watney, who just wants to get off-camera to cry but can't because he has to sign DJ's card..."

"This would be a fucking travesty..."

"Blah blah blah"