Thursday, August 06, 2009
No no, I'm not talking about the Discovery Channel's version, but rather it's Shark Week here at Polivision. As you all know, it's been my lifelong dream to go by the nickname of 'Shark.' Or Mark the Shark, if that's more colloquial. Hell, I'll even take 'Land Shark' and then it can be an SNL reference as well.
I have been thwarted in this nicknaming dream for about 20 years, but it ends now. I will celebrate Shark Week by posting every day for seven consecutive days, and at the end of it, you'll be so impressed that you'll start referring to me as 'Shark' at all times. Examples:
"Boy, that Mark really stepped up with that week of posts, eh? He really smelled blood in the blogging waters, just like a shark! Say.....that gives me an idea...."
"Is that fool still trying to give himself that 'Shark' nickname? Doesn't he realize that giving yourself a nickname is one of the ten douchiest things a person can do?"
"Just like the San Jose Sharks always choke in the playoffs, 'Mark the Shark' has choked in his attempt at seven straight days of interesting posts. What a disgrace. What an avatar of the failure gods. Someone should tie him to a unicycle and send him through a car wash."
This nickname ploy cannot possibly fail! Shark Week put the Discovery Channel on the map, along with that 'Boom De Ya Da' commercial and all of their various shows featuring exploding objects. I see no reason why Shark Week couldn't also help me fulfill a lifelong ambition.
To begin with, here are some clips featuring Craig Ferguson and his legendary Shark puppet Rodney.
They break up!
The formal introduction!
They dance to Michael Franti!
They dance to Britney Spears!
They dance to Fatboy Slim!
Rodney opens the show!
The shark wins a puppet popularity contest! And wins a new voice! (Then Craig effs up the title of Letterman's show, which is hysterical.)
No shark here, but a great monologue from Craig about 'why everything sucks.' (note: the 'ooh la la' is the show's version of a bleep for an obscenity.)