Tuesday, January 08, 2019

Top Nine Things I Angrily Yell/Mutter To Myself While Dealing With Poor Drivers

I’m not saying I have actual road rage or anything, yet it's incredible that at least a dozen of the 100 worst drivers in the world always seem to be out and about whenever I'm in the car.  What are the odds?!  With this in mind…

9. “What is this, a parade?”

8. “Nice signal, moron.” (Obviously, only said in situations when the moron in question hasn't signaled before changing lanes or making a turn.)


6. “%^∓^(#*^)#$(^*” (Just fill in whichever curse word you want, I’ve used basically all of them.)

5. “This is interminable!”  (For some reason, I bust out the word ‘interminable’ only when I’m stuck in traffic or waiting out a light.  I’m not sure I’ve used it in any other situation other than driving.  It’s a weird language quirk.)

4. “You yutz.” (Another word I seemingly only use when driving, ‘yutz’ is a Yiddish term that basically means ‘fool’ or ‘idiot.’  Kudos to the Golden Girls' Dorothy Zbornak for teaching me this term years ago!)

3. “First time driving a car, eh?”  (This is usually followed by a curse word.)

2. “Every car in the world!”  (Uttered when I’m trying to make a turn, yet have to wait since about a zillion cars are coming in both directions.)

1. “You piece of human garbage!”  (This has become an actual catchphrase of mine, as noted by multiple people who often travel in my car.  Each of them have told me they’ve taken to using the description themselves while driving and been accosted by some idiot fellow motorist.  My friend Joanne, in particular, seemed almost proud that she finally got to use the term herself.  You’re welcome??)

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