Thursday, December 03, 2015

Daily Simpsons Dialogue (The Compendium)

A smarter blogger who monetizing this site would keep the years-long "Daily Simpsons Dialogue" in its seven separate posts in order to generate as many pageviews as possible.  Then again, I already kinda blew that plan by creating the 'Simpsons Dialogue' label in the first place.  Clearly I have as much business sense as someone who invests in pumpkins and doesn't sell the stock before Halloween.

So here it is, the FULL LIST of all the Simpsons lines I say on a more or less daily basis.  Maybe it's a weekly basis to be accurate, since come on, there are an awful lot of lines here.  I may not say this many words total on any given day, let alone solely Simpsons lines.

"His food is getting all cold and eaten."
"Urge to kill fading, fading, RISING, fading…gone."
"Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!"
"What time and how burnt?"
"It's a pretty standard stunt, Homer."
"Way to get Marge pregnant, heh heh heh."
"Somebody ate part of my lunch."
"____ is named _____?  I've been calling her Crandall!  Why didn't someone tell me?  Oh, I've been making an idiot out of myself!"
"Hey Ma, look at the curly-hair'ded little girl.  Guh'hyuk!"
"Homercles cares not for beans!"
"Here you go, your majesty!"
"Sweet merciful crap!"
"A little from column A, and a little from column B."
"The ring came off my pudding can!"
"Must've been that bean I had for dinner."
"Me fail English?  That's unpossible!"
"Forty seconds?  But I want it now!"
"Hello, that sounded like a pig fainting!"
"And it only transports matter…."
"Y'ar, I'm not attractive."
"I just had the most beautiful dream where I died."
“By the great good lord…”
“Oh crap!  I shouldn’t have said…”
“Oh, it’s too hot today.”
“Look at me!  Grade me!  Evaluate and rank me!”
“You’ve got it, no deer for a month!”
“Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last!”
“That dog has a puffy tail!”
"Say some gangster is dissing your fly girl.  You just give him one of these!"
"Avec plaisir!"
“See you in the car!”
“Aw, now Paul Newman’s gonna have my legs broke.”
"It's just you and me now, lock of hair."
"Oh my god, he's killed the original Alfalfa!"
“All pathetic single men.  Only cash, no chit-chat.”
"Go get 'em, scouts!  Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!"
"I can't believe you don't shut up!"
“No no, let her speak.  I’m trying to get fired.”
“Arr, this chair be high, says I!”
“In Rand McNally, people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.”
"I was unaware!  I was unaware!"
"Excuse me, Professor Brainiac…"
"It's the least I can do.  Well, the least I can do is absolutely nothing but I'll do you one better!"
"If we don't come back, avenge our deaths!"
"Hot stuff, coming through!"
"How do you figure, boy?"
"Ah, that's better.  I can ride a bike again!"
"Looks like it's suicide again for me."
"And that's the end of THAT chapter."
"Speed holes.  They make the car go faster."
"This both sucks and blows."
"And that's the end of THAT chapter!"
"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."
"Par-tee down?"  "Yes!"
"Have the Rolling Stones killed."
"Mmmm….64 slices of American cheese."
"Be quiet, you awful man!"
"Those are chock full of……heady goodness!"
"Sit perfectly still.  Only I may dance."
"He's got me there."
"This isn't a bleeding…splish-splash show."
"Oh you'll pay.  Don't think you won't pay!"
"Why does it have to be zany?"
"I've seen plays that were better than this.  Honest to god, PLAYS!"
"I'd have looked quite the fool.  An April Fool, as it were."
"Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?"
"My Achilles heel, if you will."
"My mom says I'm cool."
"Woo hoo!  Look at that flubber fly!"
"Thank you for coming!  I'll see you in hell!"
"Uh oh, my heart just stopped……..There it goes!"
"Talk to the audience?  Ugh, that's always death."
"Hey there, Blimpy Boy, flying through the sky so fancy free."
"Just...working…the turkey…through."
"Zookeeper, zookeeper!  I think those monkeys are killing each other!"
"I don't think he's coming back."
"Now we're into the dregs."
"I don't use the word 'hero' very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history."
"Shut up, that's why!"
"Well, that just kept going."
"I wasn't really going to kill you.  I was just going to cut you."
"I dunno, Coast Guard?"
"You can see the bind I'm in."
"Sometimes I think you WANT to fail."  "Shut up, just shut up!"
"Oh man, now my pants are chafing me."
"Lies make the baby Jesus cry."
"This is certainly a disturbing universe."
"I like to put my feet up."
"I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now!"
"And so we enter….endgame."
"Because shut up, that's why!"
"You worked hard, and in a way, you're both winners.  But in another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner."
"I'm cold and there are wolves after me."
"Marge, I'd prefer it if you didn't tell anyone what happened here tonight.  Not for my own sake, but I am so respected, it would hurt the TOWN to hear it.  Good NIGHT!"  (Note: this one has to be delivered with Jon Lovitz's inflections.)
"Well, I have been eating more!"
"Dramatization, may not have happened!"
"With a dry cool wit like that, I could be an action hero."
"I seen her.  That is to say, I saw her."
"I saw her.  That is to say, I seen her."
"Maude, eh?"
"Why is Mr. Smith killing everybody?"
"Oh, I've wasted my life."
"You'd fold like Superman on laundry day."
"My bones are so brittle!  But I always drink plenty of….malk!"
"There's a 4:30 in the morning now?"
Twiddling thumbs, "Doo, doo, do, do doo…"
"Where'd you get that, anyway?"  "Sent away."
"Why you cotton-pickin'….!"
"Yeah, LOOKS like."
"Well Marge, Self-improvement is a passion of mine!"
"I just wanted to entertain!"
"Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!"
"Mrs. Pommelhorse?  Hello?  I'd like to get down now."
"Super Nintendo Chalmers!"
"Done and done!"
"It's good….not great."
"Show's over, Shakespeare!"
"Ewww, beta!"
"All right, time for a crime spree!"
"I mean, attempted murder, what is that?"
"Bad babysitting!"
"I'll just hide under a pile of coats and hope that somehow, everything turns out all right."
"Attention, Marge Simpson: we've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son."
"Spring forth burly protector and save me!"
"That's a paddlin'."
"I heartily endorse this event or product."
"Not Souter!"
"I'm Idaho!"
"Bingo bango, sugar in the gas tank."
"Team Discovery Channel!"
"My eyes!  The goggles do nothing!"
"Avert your eyes children, he may change forms!
"Can't…stop….doing…the monkey!
"Up and at them!"
"Hey maw!  Look at the pointy-hair-ded little girl!  G'yuk!"
"If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me!"
"Grease me up, woman!"
"It was my first and last blackberry schnapps...I was more animal than man!"
"No, come along, Bort!"
"More testicles means more iron."
"Baby, welcome to Dumpsville.  Population: you."
"Nothing can possib-lye go wrong.  Uh, possiBLY go wrong.  Huh, that's the first thing that's ever gone wrong."
"This is getting pretty abstract but yes, I do enjoy my new job at the bowling alley!"
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
"When are people going to learn?  Democracy doesn't work!"
"Are you making fun of my auto-mobile?  It's the largest ve-hicle I can afford on my salary."
"Bake him away, toys!"
"Burn that seat."
"Will this be on the exam?"
"'Tis not a man, 'tis a remorseless eating machine!"
"Well, it's like I always say, when you're right 52 percent of the time, you're wrong 48 percent of the time."
"Hired goons."
"Whoa!  I have mustard?"
"But they're so sweet!"
"Partial credit!"
"Tappa tappa tappa!"
"It's still good, it's still good!  It's just a little slimy, it's just a little slimy!"
"Well, I couldn't possible solve this mystery.  Can YOU?"
"Pray for Mojo."
"Run, boy!  Run!  Run for your life….boy!"
"Haw haw!"
"Yes, eat all of our shirts!"
"Okay, I'm going to swing my arms like this, and if you get in the way, it's your own fault."
"Sponge?!  SPONGE?!"
"They have the internet on computers now?"
"That ad had no effect on my whatsoever!"
"Aw, the dank Moe, ya gotta have the dank."
"Fiddle dee dee!  That will require a tetanus shot!"
"Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
"When you get to hell, tell 'em Itchy sent you!"
"So, you like doughnuts, huh?  Well, how about all the doughnuts in the world!"
"Is it about my cube?"
"We're through the looking glass, people."
"Stupid babies need the most attention."
"I don't think he's coming back."
"I don't think any of us expected him to say that."
"What in the name of high school football?!"
"Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos."
"I thought the Generals were due!  C'mon, get the ball!  He's just standing there!….Aw, I think that game was rigged.  They used a freaking ladder."
"Funzo IS dead."
"It's a perfectly cromulent word."
"There's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited!"
"In this house we observe the laws of thermodynamics!"
"Oh, IN THEORY.  In theory, communism works!"
"I've had just about enough of your Vasser-bashing, young lady!"
"Ooh, he card read good."
"We've tried nothing and we're totally out of ideas!"
"I see you've played knifey-spooney before!"
"Marge, I think I hate Ted Koppel!"
"Chow-der?  It's chow-dah!"
"Mono means one.  Rail means rail.  That concludes our extensive three-week course."
"What in the wide wide world of sports?!"
"Silly customer!  You cannot harm a twinkie!"
"According to Webster's Dictionary, a wedding is the removal of weeds from one's garden."
"Aw, I'm a livin' joke."
"We like Roy!  We like Roy!"
"I deride your truth-handling abilities, sir!"
"Slow down, tubby!  You're not on the moon yet!"
"Yeah, they really sucked.  They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
"Gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening."
"I'm a white male, aged 18-49!  Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my ideas may be!"
"Ow, my freakin' ears!"
"I dunno Bart.  My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory."
"It's just between you and me, giant hat."
"Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, you've got a butt that just won't quit.  They got these big chewy pretzels here mgjoigshgoij five dollars?  Get outta here."
"Burn that seat."
"Oh no, Willy didn't make it!  And he crushed our boy!"  "Ew, what a mess."
"New glasses?…Probably misses his old glasses."
"Well, it passed the first test.  I didn't go blind."
"Tastes like burning!"
"Shake harder, boy!"
"When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?"
"This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit!  Enjoy drinking to your death, ladies!"
"I was born a snake-handler and I'll die a snake-handler."
"No, I'd still rather not."
"Don't encourage the machine!"
"Ned, you so crazy!"
"You have the right to remain silent."  "I choose to waive that right.  BLARRRGH!"
"Hmm, steamed hams!"
"Y'ar, I don't know what I'm doing."
"I have misplaced my pants."
"Not Lenny!"
"Can you believe those clowns in Congress?  What a bunch of clowns."
"It's like a freakin' country bear jambaroo over here!"
"I like how Snrub thinks!"
"Vera said that?"
"I, for one, welcome our insect overlords."
"Man alive!  There are…men alive in here!"
"Wuzzle wozzle?"
"That's just something grownups make up to scare little kids, like the Boogeyman or Michael Jackson."
"Shut uuuuuup."
"What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
"Hey, that's not the wallet inspector…."
"Hey, he looks just like you, Poindexter!"
"Ahoy hoy?"
"Here I am, using my legs like a sucker."
"Stan, Stan, he's our boy, if he can't do it no one…..will."
"Law-talking guy!"
"I am so smart!  I am so smart!  S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!"
"I'm just amazed he was able to write so legibly on his own butt."
"Don't you hate pants?"
"So….you like…stuff?"
"I'll see you in hell!…..from heaven."
"Ach!  Ya used me, Skinner!  Ya used me!"
"Wa-ter."  "Be-eer."  "W-A…" "Bay, Eay…."
"I'm a small man, Bart.  A small and petty man."
"He's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog…Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly,' and the word 'dog' with 'son.' "
"Hot stuff, coming through!"
"What's a gime (gym)?  Ohhhh, a gime!"
"Homer Simpsons has powersauced his way to the top of the Murderhorn!"
"Excuse me, you just trailed off there."
"I'll get you Bette Midlerrrrrrrr!"
"What the hell was that?!" -- Krusty after Worker and Parasite
"Homer, I'll be right back…..someone ate my lunch."
"You don't win friends with salad."
"It's Alf!  He's back, in Pog form!"
"That's a specious argument."  "Thank you, honey."
"I know you can read my thoughts, boy.  Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."
"You've been gallivanting around with that floozy of a bigger brother of yours, haven't you.  Haven't you?!  Look…at…me…!"
"Ah, McGarnigle.  Eases the pain."
"Well, McGarnigle.  Jimmy's dead!  Slit his throat from ear to ear!"  "Hey, I'm trying to eat here!"
"Tramp-amp-oline!  Tram-bompoline!"
"Oooh, look at me Marge, I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lollypop Lane!"
"Stupid sexy Flanders."
"I don't get it.  It was non-alcoholic champagne!"
"Here comes the Shaq Attack!"
"NEEERRRRRRDDDD!  Hey buddy, did you get a load of that nerd?!"  "Excuse me?"
"Homer, you have the makeup gun set to whore!"
"Please do not offer my god a peanut."
"Where's your messiah now, Flanders?  Nyah!"
"I warsh mahself with a rag awn a sti-yck."
"He gets results, you stupid chief!"
"Tra la la la, I love my lemon tree!"
"Zinc, come back, zinc!"
"Woo hoo, look at that flubber fly!"
"Mmmm, sacri-licious."
"When I get older, I want to go to Bovine University!"
"Hello Dean?  You are a stupid head!"
"It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?  You stupid monkey!"
"To the Beemobile!"  "You mean your Chevy?"  "……yes."
"I can't, it's a Geo!"
"I hate you Walt, freaking, Whitman!  Leaves of Grass, my ass!"
"Remember, we're in the Itchy lot!"
"No hustle either, skip!"
"Not once, not twice, but thrice!"
"I'm using my whole ass!"
"Nobody who speaks German could be an evil man."
"Celebrate good times, come on!"  "I will."
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel."
"I can see through time!"
"Stop, stop!  He's already dead!"
"I'm cold and there are wolves after me."
"Ha ha ha, he's right!  We're so lame!"
"You tried your best, and you failed miserably!  The lesson is, never try."
"Oh yeah!" -- Duffman
"Hi, everybody!"
"Woo hoo!"
"It's called playing the percentages.  It's what smart managers do to win ballgames."
"No TV and no beer make Homer something something….Don't mind if I DO!"
"This is certainly a disturbing reality, isn't it?"
"Are you the creator of Hi & Lois?  Because you are making me laugh."
"Look out, Itchy!  He's Irish!"
"Lisa, I want to buy your rock."
"That's it, you people have stood in my way long enough!  I'm going to clown college!"
"This one kid REALLY loves the speedo guy."
"Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" 
"Yes.  I am in flavour country."
"I'm fired, aren't I?"
"Batman's a scientist."
"I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda."
"Marge, my friend…I haven't learned a thing."
"A pain I know all too well."
"So this is what it feels like…when doves cry!"
"In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
"And you, I don't even know who you are, but I'm sure you're a jerk!"
"I don't recall saying 'good luck.' "
"Now this is just between me and you, smashed hat."
"Thank you, door!"
"Soon I'll be the queen of summertime!"
"The cosmic ballet….goes on."
"Not in Paraguay."
"You suck diddly-uck, Flanders!"
"By the end, I thought I was some sort of hummingbird."
"Duhh, stay outta Riverdale!"
"Such a mighty wallop…"
"A pain I know all too well."
"I've had just about enough of your Vasser-bashing, young lady!"
"Queen of the harpies!"
"It's just like the time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day, I kept saying, 'I'll go a little later, I'll go a little later...' And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he'll ever come back again, he said he didn't know."

"You're fired."
"And with good cause!"

"Hey, Surly only looks out for one guy --- Surly."
"Oh.  Sorry, Surly."
"Shut up."

"But will they just find him, or will they find him and kill him?"
"Well, they'll just…."
"Excuse me, you didn't answer, you just trailed off."
"Yeah…yeah I kind of did trail off, didn't I?"

"Aurora borealis!  In this time of the year, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!"
"….can I see it?" 

"Hello, my name is Mr. Burns.  I understand you have a package for me." 
"Okay Mr. Burns, what's your first name?" 

"I have go out to pick up something for dinner."
"Money's too tight for steak."
"Uh, sure, steak."

"The doctor said I may have brain damage." 
"Dad, what's the point of this story?" 
"I like stories."

"Can I have one of those Australian giant beers?"
"Something wrong, mate?"
"No…it's pretty big.  I guess."

"I heard there was a murder in New York and they never found who did it." 
"But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York." 
"You just don't know when to shut your mouth, do you, Saxy boy?"

"Aw, twenty dollars?  I wanted a peanut!" 
"Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!" 
"Explain how!" 
"Money can be exchanged for goods and services."

"There's the cannonball guy.  He's cool." 
"Were you being sarcastic?" 
"I don't even know anymore."

"Let the bears pay the bear tax.  I pay the Homer tax!" 
"That's the homeowner tax."
"Well, I'm still outraged."

"So you're saying I'm invincible?" 
"Oh god no, even a stiff breeze could…"

"No, pally.  This is Bronson, Missouri." 
"Hey ma, how about some cookies?"
"No dice."
"This ain't over."

"Leave town."
"Do it!"
"Come onnn!"
"I'll be your friend!"
"Aw, you're mean!"

1 comment:

Hal Incandenza said...

This is exceptional.