Monday, June 22, 2015

It Happened One Ride...

You can always count on the streetcar for human comedy.  The other day I'm taking a ride when these three youths get on, all roughly between 19-23 years old.  Despite it being downtown Toronto, they look straight out of the Trailer Park Boys cast.  The principles...

* A girl, wearing roughly all the eye shadow in the world (no doubt an attempt to distract from her unfortunate face).  Plaid shirt, yoga pants (shudder), ragged teeth. 
* A guy, a scrawny twerp weighing maybe a buck-thirty, yet wearing enormous sneakers, cargo pants at least two sizes too big, a camo undershirt and one of those squareish Raptors caps that just perched atop his head like a pillbox hat, covering up his Joe Dirt-quality mullet.
* A second girl, the only semi-normal looking one of the bunch except for the gigantic tattoo that covered virtually her entire upper back.  It just looked like vines, so I'm presuming (hoping?) the tattoo was a tribute to Little Shop Of Horrors.  She didn't say a word during this entire exchange, minus her part in the song.  Oh yes, there's a song (and sadly, not a song from LSoH.)

So they get on at Yonge/Queen, talking a good 120 decibel levels louder than everyone else on the streetcar.  Every other word is a curse, in the style of, "yo, why the fuck hasn't he fuckin' called me the fuck back?"  The two main topics of conversation are....

1. The guy describing how he wasn't really "arrested" once during a drinking party in a field, it was just that "f'n Brian just handed me the bottle and the f***ing cops saw me holding the bottle and s*** and they kept asking me about it, yo."
2. The three of them at one point singing, in perfect unison, the theme song to "Little Einsteins," which is apparently a Disney Network cartoon.  Words fail me.
3. Girl #1 bemoaning her bad luck in relationships.  Apparently she was upset that her ex-boyfriend Kevin was "now a businessman, and he's rich.  If I'd married him, I could've just sat at home and gotten drunk all day."  This led to the dude noting that she had spent all of the previous day (a Tuesday!) drunk, to which she annoyedly responded "I was only drinking for two and a half hours in the afternoon!  That's nothing!"  Her delivery was just so put-upon that it took all I had to keep from laughing out loud.

For the rest of us strangers on the train, there were a lot of looks being exchanged about this trio of little Einsteins.  It led to one incredible moment when, as they were getting off, Girl #1 kept whining/asking "do you think I should call Kevin?  Should I call Kevin?"  As the doors swung shut, this one middle-aged dude who looked not unlike Keith David and had at least 80% of David's excellent timing, immediately remarked "Kevin dodged a bullet."  Everyone just cracked up.  That man is my hero.

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