Saturday, April 10, 2010

Random Nonsense

The battle between the Raptors and Bulls for the last playoff spot in the NBA is like watching an arm-wrestling match between two of those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men. Both teams are just SO BAD. I received a coupon for discounted Raptors tickets from my cell phone company a few months back, but honestly, even at a reduced price, this team isn't worth watching. The virtual playoff game against Chicago on Sunday is tempting, but.....y'know, Masters Sunday and all....and Bosh is out of action....and, apathy....etc.

Of course, for the best analysis I turn to the biggest Raptors fan I know, my 89-year-old grandmother. Her take on the team is that Hedo Turkoglu "just seems to disappear most of the time. It's like he's not trying!" My basketball coach uncle also could've provided analysis, but he was too busy screaming last Sunday when DeMar DeRozan made one of his 86 unsuccessful drives to the hoop. So just as long as Chris Bosh can overcome these weak teammates, the Raptors should, oh what's that, Bosh is out for the rest of the season? God.

As a show of support, here's a blog dedicated to Michael Buble being stalked by a velociraptor.


I'd like to thank my friend Nicole for passing along the link to this video of the 'Mad Men' cast and crew drunkenly singing (or, in the case of noted killjoy January Jones, lip-synching to) Ann-Margaret's 'Bye Bye Birdie' song. Now that damn tune will be stuck in my head for the next several days. Lousy catchy 50's musical numbers.


I was going to write up my picks for UFC 112, but I forgot the event was tape-delayed this afternoon. So when I clicked up Yahoo to look at the full card, I got all of the results splashed in my face. Curses. Just presume I picked every fight correctly, since I so often get a perfect score on my UFC predictions. Er, a good score. Er, an over .500 score. OKAY, FINE. Sears catalogue.


Amateur dream analysis!

DREAM: I'm playing a game of Scrabble against (get ready for this) Daniel Radcliffe, Dustin Hoffman and Rupert from Survivor. The game is taking place in what looks like a public park, in the style of those old men who play chess in parks. Radcliffe is inexplicably dressed like James Dean. Hoffman is basically dressed in his Willy Loman outfit from 'Death Of A Salesman,' except since Hoffman is now an old man rather than a youngish man playing an old man, he isn't wearing any makeup. Rupert is of course wearing his obligatory tie-dyed tank top and jeans. The game is going reasonably well, but a big argument flares up over some word that Hoffman believes Radcliffe has improperly played. We check the dictionary and it's a valid word. Hoffman gets upset, flips the board over and leaves the table. Radcliffe shrugs. Rupert just sits there throughout the entire dream dumbfounded, not saying a word.

ANALYSIS; "Daniel Radcliffe, Dustin Hoffman and Rupert" sounds like a set-up for one of Johnny Carson's old Karnak routines. I have no idea why these three popped up together in my dreamscape. Radcliffe is used to palling around with Rupert Grint (a.k.a. Ron Weasley) so maybe I subconsciously paired him another Rupert here. Though, that theory has some holes since it's not like Hoffman is a close fit with Emma Watson. It's possible that maybe in 30 years Watson might look a bit like Hoffman-as-Dorothy Michaels, but yikes, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

As to the game, it may be due to a recent article I read about how the United Kingdom edition of Scrabble is changing their rules to allow proper names and places as eligible words. This, of course, opens up a big pandora's box since almost anything can be a name. You can tell me that 'Gwosdz' isn't a word, but then I can just point you in the direction of Doug Gwosdz, whose nickname, hilariously, was 'Eyechart.' I don't remember what the specific dispute was in my dream, but it's likely that Radcliffe tried to play some inane Harry Potter term (muggle or diggory or silencio or whatnot) and Hoffman wouldn't have any of it. Attaboy, Dustin. Don't stand for that nonsense. Maybe the figures were there to represent the symbolic changing of the guard in the Scrabble world; Radcliffe representing the UK's way of thinking, Hoffman the American sticking to his guns, and Rupert the American....uh, sitting there doing nothing. Then again, I don't think I did anything either, so I'm hardly one to criticize Mr. Boneham. Oh man, does this mean that if I ever played Survivor, I'd end up being the new Rupert? Egad. My desire to be on the show just dropped from 100 percent to...well, still around 95 percent, but still. Also, if I'm going to dream about a Survivor, shouldn't it have been the guy whose nickname was actually Dreamz? Or, even better, one of the women?

Re: the clothing choices. Rupert's outfit was a no-brainer, since I have literally never seen him in anything but that damn tie-dyed shirt. Can you imagine seeing Rupert in a tuxedo? It would be mind-blowing. Hoffman could've dressed as any of his characters, but this particularly garb best seems to fit with my old vs. new theory, plus the fact that 'Scrabble' is the kind of million-dollar idea for a product that Loman would've killed to come up with. Hopefully Radcliffe's Dean costume doesn't mean that Radcliffe is in for an untimely death. I wish no ill will on the lad, and also, I'd rather not see his pasty British face on university dorm room posters for the next 50 years.


Today's iTunes playlist....
* Raise Your Hand, Bruce Springsteen
* Save You, Pearl Jam
* Around The Bend, The Asteroids Galaxy Tour
* When It's Good, Ben Harper
* Don't Look Back, The Remains
* Low, Cracker
* I Need To Know, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

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