GAPB #4

I'm back in TO for another couple of weeks, and hopefully my time at the house is slightly more pleasant than my last time. I returned home from the ballpark two weeks ago to find the toilet’s flushing mechanism broken, and thus when I tried to flush my urine, up came the urine and (with apologies to Morgan Freeman) about 500 yards of shit-smellin’ foulness I couldn’t have even imagined. So, my roommate Anwar and I mopped the floor, destroyed our degraded-forever bathmats and generally had a hilarious night of roommate bonding. There are few things more terrifying in the life of a human being than watching the water level of a toilet slowly rise up. Fortunately, everything is fine now, but I went out and bought a new bathmat from Honest Ed's so my bare feet never have to touch that floor. That hideous, hideous floor.

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A couple of posts ago, I talked about the single-character posters for Pirates, and was struggling for a suitably random analogy. Two days later, I've hit upon it: it would be like if they made a sequel of The Mask, and had big posters of Richard Jeni saying “Richard Jeni: Stanley’s Annoying Buddy.” Then again, as a lover of postmodern irony, I think I would totally buy a giant Richard Jeni poster. How random would that be? It could be part of a series called “Mediocre Stand-Up Comics of the 80’s,” with the likes of Paul Rodriguez and Rita Rudner. Actually, I’m not sure if I should knock Rita Rudner, since my parents saw her in Vegas and said I would’ve loved her act. Then again, my parents also thought I would’ve loved playing soccer when I was seven, and that turned into a horrifying debacle.

By the way, I’m aware they made that Mask sequel with Jamie Kennedy, but I’ve chosen to pretend that movie never existed.