Thursday, July 13, 2006

GAPB #3: Enter the Foot

During the whole previous post about Zidane, I wished I could've just called soccer 'football,' like the rest of the world. It's really quite unusual that two separate and entirely different sports share the same name like football/soccer, and it is really the truest sign that soccer just doesn't resonate with most of North America. The U.S. (and Canada, if you're one of the four people who cares about the CFL) has its own 'football,' thank you very much.

Were I king of the world, I would demand that the NFL change the name of its sport. Some suggestions...

* Helmetball. After all, they wear helmets! (crickets chirping)
* Hutball. After all, the quarterback yells 'hut' to put the play in motion.
* Touchdown. Who says the word 'ball' needs to be involved at all?
* Irrational Lifelong Fame For High School Accomplishments In Texan Small Towns Ball. This is pretty self-explanatory.
* Tackleball. This is my favorite, since it describes the key element of the sport. If this post had an ounce of seriousness behind it, this would be my actual suggestion if football were to change its name.
* Bradyball, named in honor of America's Greatest Hero, Pats quarterback Tom Brady. Wait, sorry, I think Bill Simmons hijacked my blog there for a moment.
* Rudyball, named in honor of America's Greatest Overblown Hero, Rudy Reuttiger. That movie did kick ass, though.

Paul Tagliabue, if you're reading, make this the final act of your commissionership. Either that or enact a rule that Green Bay gets the #1 pick in the NFL Draft each year because they won the first two Super Bowls. Woo!

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