Monday, November 23, 2015

Chip Kelly vs. Charlie Kelly

Compare and contrast!

* Both live in Philadelphia

* Both are constantly coming up with outlandish schemes to help their Philly-based business succeed.

* Charlie is Green Man.  Chip dresses in green clothing.

* Charlie loves the Eagles.  Chip loves the Eagles, though you can be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

* Charlie is illiterate.  Chip needs to use signs on the sideline to communicate his (needlessly complicated) play calls to his players.

* Charlie pines over the Waitress, with no success.  Chip pined over Marcus Mariota, with no success since he couldn’t work out a trade to move up in the draft.

* It’s heavily implied that Charlie’s father is really Frank Reynolds.  But if I had to pick between Charlie and Chip….you be the judge.

* Charlie considers himself an expert in bird law, despite having no legal training whatsoever and “bird law” not actually being a thing.  Chip considers himself an expert in bird coaching, having coached the Philadelphia Eagles to…well, a “bird law” level of success.

* Charlie got Paddy’s Pub ready in whirlwind fashion for a health inspection, with success.  Chip used his fast-paced spread offense at the University Of Oregon, with success.

* Charlie’s favourite hobby is magnets.  Chip’s favourite hobby is trading for injury magnet Sam Bradford.

* Charlie huffs glue on a regular basis.  Chip thought it would be a good idea to have Sam Bradford and Mark Sanchez as his quarterbacks.

* Charlie hangs around with Dennis, Mac, Dee and Frank.  Chip employs Riley Cooper.

* Charlie’s favourite food is “milksteak,” which is two good things ruined when put in combination to make an unappetizing mess.  You know, like trying to work out a time split between DeMarco Murray and Ryan Mathews AND Darren Sproles.

* Charlie has lasted 11 seasons and counting in Philadelphia.

* Charlie finds pirates hilarious.  Chip probably doesn't find Buccaneers hilarious.

* Charlie didn’t go to college.  Chip has already been to college and will be returning in the next two to 14 months.

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