To be canonized as a saint in the Catholic Church, one must have two recorded miracles to their credit. Piece of cake.
MIRACLE THE FIRST: Years ago, I was doing some work while listening to music, and my iTunes shuffle randomly delivered these four songs in a row.
* I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (original album version)
* I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Rattle & Hum live version)
* Pride (Rattle & Hum live version)
* Pride (original album version)
This was on a complete shuffle of my entire library, so it wasn't a case where I had a specific U2 mix or anything. Out of over 600 songs at that point, this exact quartet came up. I ask you, what are the odds of that happening?
Now, you might ask how this could technically be a miracle from my own hand, as it would seemingly be just a coincidental spin of my iTunes' song-picking matrix. But, think about it....who put the songs ON the iTunes in the first place? #Mindblown #GalaxyBrain #Whaaaaaaaat
MIRACLE THE SECOND: Years ago, my friends and I were hanging out at the Palasade, London's finest all-purpose game-based eatery. Picture a Chuck E. Cheese for adults. After a night of carousing, we hit the arcade for some fun, and I happened upon a Deal Or No Deal game. I selected my briefcase* and away I went, with the machine offering tokens for the arcade's prize booth in lieu of actual cash.
* = sadly, I don't remember the exact number of my case. If I had to guess, it was Aaron Rodgers' #12, or perhaps #5 in honour of Johnny Five from Short Circuit.
I almost instantly knocked several of the biggest dollar values off the board with my first few cases, leaving me with a tough decision. Statistically, I probably should've walked away right there and taken the banker's offer...but no. I went into the next round and knocked out more cases, leaving just the "million dollars" at the top and then a long dropoff to the remaining figures. Again, by all logic, I should've taken the banker's next offer....but no.
On and on we went, until there's just my own case and one remaining on the board. The million is still active, as is one token minor dollar amount, $25 or something. The banker offers me the halfway point between the two sums. Anyone with any vague knowledge of the Monty Hall Problem would've been screaming at me to take the sum and walk away, secure in the comfort of being able to spend my tokens on at least some candy rather than risk it all and wind up with one stinking token and would hardly have bought me a single Skittle.
And yet, I just knew. I rode all the way to the end with my briefcase, and sure enough, there was the top prize. I was a millionaire, of sorts. The Palasade patrons were treated to quite the display of whooping as I celebrated my victory, with the machine just spewing out tokens in an unbroken stream of glory.
If I recall correctly, I spent all 100 tokens or whatever it was on those little rocket-sticks candy things. They were delicious. My dentist probably shuddered, but whatever, it was glorious.
So there they are, my two miracles. Ball's in your court now, Pope. Question, do I actually have to be Catholic to be a saint, since that might be a bit of a roadblock. Also, since there already is a Saint Mark, so I get Roman numerals beside my name or what?
MIRACLE THE FIRST: Years ago, I was doing some work while listening to music, and my iTunes shuffle randomly delivered these four songs in a row.
* I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (original album version)
* I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (Rattle & Hum live version)
* Pride (Rattle & Hum live version)
* Pride (original album version)
This was on a complete shuffle of my entire library, so it wasn't a case where I had a specific U2 mix or anything. Out of over 600 songs at that point, this exact quartet came up. I ask you, what are the odds of that happening?
Now, you might ask how this could technically be a miracle from my own hand, as it would seemingly be just a coincidental spin of my iTunes' song-picking matrix. But, think about it....who put the songs ON the iTunes in the first place? #Mindblown #GalaxyBrain #Whaaaaaaaat
MIRACLE THE SECOND: Years ago, my friends and I were hanging out at the Palasade, London's finest all-purpose game-based eatery. Picture a Chuck E. Cheese for adults. After a night of carousing, we hit the arcade for some fun, and I happened upon a Deal Or No Deal game. I selected my briefcase* and away I went, with the machine offering tokens for the arcade's prize booth in lieu of actual cash.
* = sadly, I don't remember the exact number of my case. If I had to guess, it was Aaron Rodgers' #12, or perhaps #5 in honour of Johnny Five from Short Circuit.
I almost instantly knocked several of the biggest dollar values off the board with my first few cases, leaving me with a tough decision. Statistically, I probably should've walked away right there and taken the banker's offer...but no. I went into the next round and knocked out more cases, leaving just the "million dollars" at the top and then a long dropoff to the remaining figures. Again, by all logic, I should've taken the banker's next offer....but no.
On and on we went, until there's just my own case and one remaining on the board. The million is still active, as is one token minor dollar amount, $25 or something. The banker offers me the halfway point between the two sums. Anyone with any vague knowledge of the Monty Hall Problem would've been screaming at me to take the sum and walk away, secure in the comfort of being able to spend my tokens on at least some candy rather than risk it all and wind up with one stinking token and would hardly have bought me a single Skittle.
And yet, I just knew. I rode all the way to the end with my briefcase, and sure enough, there was the top prize. I was a millionaire, of sorts. The Palasade patrons were treated to quite the display of whooping as I celebrated my victory, with the machine just spewing out tokens in an unbroken stream of glory.
If I recall correctly, I spent all 100 tokens or whatever it was on those little rocket-sticks candy things. They were delicious. My dentist probably shuddered, but whatever, it was glorious.
So there they are, my two miracles. Ball's in your court now, Pope. Question, do I actually have to be Catholic to be a saint, since that might be a bit of a roadblock. Also, since there already is a Saint Mark, so I get Roman numerals beside my name or what?
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