Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Top Nine Things I Angrily Yell/Mutter To Myself While Dealing With Poor Drivers

I’m not saying I have actual road rage or anything, yet I very, very strongly relate to this Louis C.K. routine.  With this in mind…

9. “What is this, a parade?”

8. “Nice signal, moron.” (Obviously only said in situations when they haven’t signalled before changing lanes or making a turn.)

7. “DRIVE YOUR CAR!”

6. “%^&^(#*^)#$(^*” (Just fill in whichever curse word you want, I’ve used basically all of them.)

5. “This is interminable!”  (For some reason, I bust out the word ‘interminable’ only when I’m stuck in traffic or waiting out a light.  I’m not sure I’ve used it in any other situation other than driving.  It’s a weird language quirk.)

4. “You yutz.” (Another word I seemingly only use when driving, ‘yutz’ is a Yiddish term that basically means ‘fool’ or ‘idiot.’  Kudos to Dorothy Zbornak of the Golden Girls for teaching me this term on TV years ago!)

3. “First time driving a car, eh?”  (This is usually followed by a curse word.)

2. “Every car in the world!”  (Uttered when I’m trying to make a turn, yet have to wait since about a zillion cars are coming in both directions.)

1. “You piece of human garbage!”  (This has become an actual catchphrase of mine, as noted by both my ex-girlfriend and my friend Joanne.  Each of them have told me they’ve taken to using the description themselves while driving and been accosted by some idiot fellow motorist.  Joanne, in particular, seemed almost proud that she finally got to use the term herself.  You’re welcome?)

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