Thursday, January 02, 2014

My Best Posts Of 2013

Yikes, my resolution for 2014 is to get next year's "Best Of" post online during the actual year.  God, I'm lazy.  If only THAT could be corrected by a simple resolution…wait…

Anyway, here's my annual navel-gazing look back at some of my favourite bits of my own writing from the previous year.  Stay tuned for my annual naval-gazing look back at my favourite boats of 2013.

Dec 29: Anderson Silva's leg (and possibly his career) is shattered in such a dramatic fashion that I have to write about it just a couple of hours after the fact.  Apparently the break wasn't THAT bad and Silva could be training in as few as six months...but the question remains, would he even want to fight again after experiencing such pain?  If it was me, I'd just sit on my couch and eat chips instead, though in fairness, I really like chips.

Dec 17: What would a hypothetical Meg White solo album sound like, and how would it be received?  Debating this point might ultimately be more fascinating than actually listening to the record.

Nov 23
June 24
Jan 26: Well, my attempt to pick my Shakespeare Re-Read series didn't exactly work, as I only got around to re-reading and discussing about three plays.  If I can quote a line from one of the sonnets, "come on Mark, pick up the fucking pace!"  (It's from one of the lesser-known sonnets.)  Anyway, I did add The Winter's Tale, Pericles and The Taming Of The Shrew to my list, so read away, English majors.

Nov 13: My ranking of the 55 best Pearl Jam songs.  After a couple more months of listening to "Sirens" on the radio, I feel like I'm underrating it by at least five places.  What a great tune.

Nov 7: Bemoaning Aaron Rodgers' injury and trying to figure out how the Packers could survive without him.  Well, it didn't quite work out like I thought....but it still worked out!  WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

Oct 31: A hypothetical idea for a Halloween costume that I'm absolutely going to actually do next year.

Sept 30: Discussing the incredible ending of Breaking Bad, and then wrapping up the godawful ending of Dexter in two paragraphs, which is two more than it deserved.  I should've just posted a GIF of a cow taking a shit.

Sept 25: I discuss the upcoming "Gotham" show and the many ways in which a James Gordon-centric cop show could be amazing.  I neglected to include one final entry, which was "hire me as a showrunner and head writer."  If this is a bit much, I'll just take a job as the VP Of Common Sense to shoot down bad ideas, I'm not picky.

Sept 11: My favourite films and performances from the first two-thirds of the year.  Without spoiling anything for March's epic Markademy Awards post, I'll just say that only ONE of these favoured candidates is still in the pole position for their respective award.  Suspense!

Sept 6: Preseason NFL picks!  My Seattle vs. Denver Super Bowl prediction is still looking good, but then again, I also had both the Panthers and Eagles in last place.  Oops.

Aug 31: The many, many flaws of Grantland's "best songs of the 21st century" bracket.

Aug 27: I join the many TV lovers who raved about "Orange Is The New Black."  Thank goodness I wasn't as into the show as Julianne Hough.

Aug 23: Hey, speaking of me commenting on subjects that the rest of the internet already weighed in on, here's my take on Ben Affleck as the new Batman.

Aug 20: Reviewing two more excellent novels from Julian Barnes, who might pound-for-pound be my favourite author.  Not that pound-for-pound rankings are really applicable for literature, since it's not like some 400-pound monstrosity has an advantage over a 100-pound waif of an author.  If anything, the lighter writer has the edge since he/she can type normally, while the larger writer has to use a special wand to type since his enormous fingers just mash at the keys.  I'm babbling.

Aug 14: A random nonsense post, highlighted by my best pun of the year.  I am unflatteringly proud of that silly bit of wordplay.

Aug 3: It's been over 30 years since the release of "The Girl Is Mine" and it finally got what was coming to it --- an insulting post from me!  #Doggone

July 24: I open the Baldness Hall Of Fame.  I don't want to spoil things, but the BHOF will be a big part of this blog in 2014.  Stay tuned.

July 18: My alterna-Emmys, which actually ended up being less angry than usual since the actual Emmys were pretty decent, minus a few glaring Jeff Daniels-sized errors.

July 12: My old buddy Kyle returns from the wild and we have one of our legendary teamups to discuss the new Arrested Development season.  With six more months of hindsight on that season, by the way, I'll say this...while I enjoyed it, I often forget it actually happened.  Probably not a good sign.

July 11: Listamania!  It's a mania of lists!  Listamania!

July 9: I dream about veteran Canadian actor Gordon Pinsent, and no, it's not what you're thinking.

June 13: I debate the ending of "The Wrestler" and dammit, I still think I'm right.  It's also possible that Peter Lynn or his wife are right, I have no idea.  If Mickey Rourke reads this blog, please chime in with your two cents, Mr. Rourke.

June 8: The Raptors may be changing their name, so I chime in with a few suggestions.  Sadly, the Toronto Drakes is looking like less and less of a joke option.  How about the Toronto Failed Tank Jobs?

June 6: My appreciation of Tim Duncan and the Spurs.  Wow, do I ever wish they'd actually held on in Game Six and pulled out that NBA title.  That would've been incredible.

May 24: My attendance history at my high school dances, plus I mock the modern high school fad of a "prom-posal."  Question, if you stand someone up at prom, do you have to deliver an elaborate prom-pology the next day?

May 13: I rate John Cochran's victory in the 26th season of Survivor.  I feel like I should downgrade his victory simply because he's a writer for "The Millers," which is horrible.

May 8: Fun facts are fun and factual!

April 26: Olivia Wilde becomes my new "favourite actor who's always in terrible movies."  It was a short-lived reign for Ms. Wilde as in 2013 alone, she was in Her, Drinking Buddies and Rush, all of which ranged from good to great.

April 25: For some reason I had a lot to say about Pablo Honey, which celebrated its 20th anniversary last year.  By the way, I'm really eager for some proper Radiohead, but a new album doesn't seem to be forthcoming anytime soon.  These guys could be recording in secret and will drop a new record out of the blue, of course, but man, I need something more than King Of Limbs to tide me over.

April 22: A history of the Markademy Awards, a.k.a. my favourite movies of the last 30-odd years.

April 17: An edition of 'Random Nonsense' that includes my Mean Girls power rankings, judging the cast on how their careers have gone since that film was released in 2004.  Good news for Lizzy Caplan, "Masters Of Sex" bumped her past Seyfried.

April 2: I bust out a once-frequent Polivision feature that has since fallen on hard times....Hot!  Live!  Music!  Nine months later, some of the clips are actually still on YouTube!

March 26: I won a billiards bet with my brother 17 years ago and he still hasn't paid up.  The stakes were pretty reasonable, I felt --- he simply had to refer to me as "Mr. Spectacular" at all times.

March 22: Jimmy "Fortinbras" Fallon is named the next host of the Tonight Show.  Now, there's still time for Jay Leno to pull a last-minute power play to screw this all up, but it actually looks like this is happening.

March 12: A few one-time-only papal names that I felt were due for a second coming (uh, not that kind of second coming) but the current Pope just went totally off the board and picked the original "Francis" as his moniker.  Given that he's playing up the common man gimmick harder than anyone since Dusty Rhodes, I can't help but think that Pope Francis should've used "Simplicius" instead.  He's just a simple guy!  He rides the subway!

March 7: Another "Hot!  Live!  Music!" entry, this one featuring David Byrne's ridiculous live performance of Psycho Killer.

Feb 27: This year's Academy Award Best Picture slate bore a striking resemblance to the Canadian Football League.  Crazy?  Well, let's let Mark explain...

Feb 25: The 2012 Markademy Awards!  BATHE in the pageantry! 

Feb 22: The previous post also contained my thoughts on Samuel L. Jackson's incredible performance in "Django Unchained," which I felt was hands-down deserving of a supporting actor Oscar.  Instead, Jackson didn't even get nominated, and in this post I break down what was a very odd slate of nominees in the ol' supporting category.  Man, Christoph Waltz's win bugs me even more after the fact.  It was just so unnecessary.

Feb 20: Everyone seems to have their own variations on the rules of Monopoly.  Here are mine.

Feb 15: I take yet another dip into Oscar history to come up with the Best Picture winners that I felt were the undisputed best choices of their respective years.  Hopefully I can add to this list when the Smurfs sequel sweeps this year's Academy Awards.

Feb 4: A look back at the Super Bowl, the Ravens' victory, and my own mixed thoughts on the game since my brother is a huge Baltimore fan and I've had to listen to his trash talk for the last eight months.  Fortunately, Joe Flacco's reversion to his usual crappy play has helped me stem the tide.

Jan 25: "The Office" basically broke the fourth wall during its last season, and I questioned the logic or need to actually have the documentary become a focus of the narrative.  I'm also bummed that we didn't get my suggested Werner Herzog cameo, which would've saved everything.

Jan 23: Another edition of "Random Nonsense."  Nothing really stood out here but it's an overall solid collection of crap.

Jan 14: My postmortem of the Packers 2012-13 season.  Pay close attention to this one, as Green Bay is again slated to meet San Francisco in the playoffs.  Is another beating in store for the Packers?  Uh, well, I'd like to think not, but...

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