Saturday, January 28, 2012

Random Nonsense

Fun link here: the Literally Unbelievable website, which catalogues instances where people (let's call them 'idiots') actually think an Onion headline is true and then comment about it on their Facebook wall.

It's hard to believe anyone could fall for an Onion headline, except when it deals with mild-mannered NBA star Tim Duncan. The Onion's ongoing teasing of Duncan is entirely plausible. "Tim Duncan Offers To Do Taxes For Entire Spurs Team"? I can see it. "Tim Duncan Sends Belated 'Great Game' Card To Celtics For February Defeat"? Just seems like a polite thing he would do. "Tim Duncan Urges All-Stars To Use Inside Voice During Game"? Sure, ain't no reason they've gotta be so loud.


I have some issues about Coca-Cola's "save the arctic" campaign. First of all, their donation of $2 million to arctic preservation is nice, but…$2 million? For a company as large as Coke? This is like me dropping a twonie into a Salvation Army bucket and thinking I'm a real big shot.

Secondly, I may be crazy, but the Coca-Cola in these new white polar bear-themed cans seemingly doesn't taste like the Coke in the normal red cans. This almost has to be psychological on my part, sort of like how while I claim Coke and Pepsi taste entirely different, if you snuck Coke into a Pepsi bottle or vice versa, I probably wouldn't be the wiser. The other theory is that the Coke in the polar bear cans is actually FLAVOURED WITH POLAR BEAR BLOOD. MY GOD. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!


Not to be one of those guys that brags about his Word Mole score, but……9714! Good god! Is this my calling in life?


If you were asked to guess what the catchiest pop song of all time was, how many guesses would it take before you landed on 'We Are The Champions'? I'll save you the time, as research has proven it to be true. I love that this is what a team of researchers has been doing with their time. Yeah, science!

Can't quite agree with the study's results since it doesn't pass the common sense test. Come on, is 'We Are The Champions' even in the top five catchiest Queen songs? Surely 'Under Pressure' alone has a stronger case, though I may be biased as that's my favourite Queen tune, both my favourite to listen to and to perform in karaoke. Some say it's impossible for one man to perform both the Mercury AND Bowie parts, but I'm not just any one man.


Just before everyone freaks out over this, it's clearly just a Super Bowl commercial. It's not a hint at an actual Ferris Bueller sequel, as interesting as that would be after all these years. It would also be kind of funny if a sequel was only now happening due to John Hughes' death, as in Broderick was like, "FINALLY, he kicked the bucket! Okay, I'll happy do a sequel now that Hughes is out of the picture. Damn, that guy hadn't made a good movie in 20 years, and that's taking the leap of classifying 'Home Alone' as a good movie!" Then Broderick chomps on a cigar and flicks ash on Hughes' grave. What a dick.*

* = also my three-word review of 'Shame'


UFC on FOX 2 predictions!

* Demian Maia over Chris Weidman, decision
Anderson Silva broke Demian Maia. Before he fought Silva, Maia was a submission master, finishing opponents with all manner of incredible holds and maneuvers. After Silva clowned him for 25 minutes, however, Maia has completely hit the brakes, devolving into a cautious, grind-it-out style of fighter that just uses his jujitsu mastery to control guys rather than put them way.

For that reason, I'll take him over Weidman in a fight that Weidman is taking on short notice. Weidman is an up-and-comer with an impressive wrestling background, but he's never faced anyone on Maia's level. Both fighters are about equally mediocre on their feet but Maia has the experience to at least do a little bit of something if it becomes a slugfest. I'm expecting a 15-minute relative snoozer here that Maia ekes out. As down as I am on Maia right now, a win here might set up a real battle of submission specialists in he and Rousimar Palhares, which would be a very interesting fight.

* Chael Sonnen over Michael Bisping, decision
Just to complete Sonnen's devolution into a pro wrestling heel, he's now carried his "I'm the real champion" schtick to its natural end by actually carrying around a fake UFC title belt. Good lord. This card was originally supposed to feature Maia vs. Bisping and Sonnen vs. Mark Munoz, but an injury to Munoz caused some shuffling and set up this match between arguably the two most obnoxious, unlikable fighters in the company. Seriously, who's the lesser of two evils here? This is like picking which STD you'd prefer to contract.

Sonnen should be able to win pretty easily given that Bisping is just not a very good fighter and certainly the most consistently protected guy on the UFC roster. But, admittedly, it would be hilarious to see Sonnen's trash talk blow up in his face if he got submitted by, of all people, Michael Bisping. It's not totally out of the question; you figure Bisping's been working on his BJJ anyway to try and ward off Maia if that fight had happened and gone to the ground. Maybe Bisping can catch Sonnen in a triangle and tap him out, given Sonnen's non-existent submission defense. Even funnier, that would set up Bisping to face Anderson Silva, which would be the most one-sided bout in MMA history. My grandma would have a better chance against Silva than Bisping does….my grandma may be 91, but she's very well-preserved. Probably has something to do with a magical box of Corn Pops she keeps in her cupboard.

* Rashad Davis over Phil Davis, decision
Now that the 'Jon Fitch code' was thoroughly cracked (along with Fitch's jaw) by Johny Hendricks, I nominate Rashad Davis as the new most secretly-interesting man in MMA. You almost get the feeling Evans is as mild-mannered as Tim Duncan, yet feels the need to try and build himself up with trash talk because that's the way things go in MMA. The problem is the fans pick up on this phoniness and just boo the crap out of Evans on principle. It also doesn't help that Evans lost the PR battle in his latest rivalry with Jon Jones. After Jones (then a teammate with Evans) said he'd take a title shot against Evans and then became light-heavyweight champ by beating Shogun Rua, Evans moved to a new team and claimed Jones had gone against his word. Unfortunately for Evans, fight fans don't care about this 'inside baseball' stuff and just want to see the best fights. "Teammates fighting each other over a title? Sure, bring it on!" It's another case of how Rashad may have a legit, real-world point, but it falls on deaf ears when it comes to fighting.

Anyway, yeah, Phil Davis, I should probably mention him at some point. He's another nice up-and-coming prospect with an unbeaten record and a terrific wrestling/submission style. Evans has the clear advantage in striking but on the ground, it may be a tossup or even an edge to Davis, despite Evans' own wrestling background. The bigger issue may be that Davis hasn't fought since March due to injury and he's making a major step up in competition. A Davis upset wouldn't shock me, but it would be a real eye-opener if he managed to be just the second man to beat Rashad Evans. Davis' win wouldn't get him an immediate title shot at Jones (that would go to Dan Henderson) but it would certainly put him next in line.

You might notice I've picked all decision finishes on this show. Call it karma. After the UFC's epic fail at not putting the incredible Ben Henderson/Clay Guida fight on their first FOX card, they will pay the karmic price by having multiple televised fights on this show but they'll all be fairly uninteresting decisions. Tough break, UFC.

* Mike Russow over John-Olav Einemo, KO, round 2
* Evan Dunham over Nik Lentz, decision
* George Roop over Cub Swanson, decision
* Shane Roller over Michael Johnson, submission, round 1
* Charles Oliveira over Eric Wisely, submission, round 2
* Lavar Johnson ove Joey Beltran, decision
* Chris Camozzi over Dustin Jacoby, decision

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