Sunday, April 27, 2008

STEEEEEE-RIKE!


As someone who grew up in the transit wasteland of London, I kind of have to laugh at the widespread panic that struck Toronto over the sudden TTC strike. Newspapers were publishing 'survival guides' (sample hint: try walking!), the city's nightlife suffered low business since people couldn't figure out how to get from their pre-drink to the club, and everyone everywhere was just a step away from torches and pitchforks.

Here's how I handled the strike. I got in my car....and (wait for it).....drove to where I wanted to go, in this case BMO Field. It's crazy, I know. And then, after the soccer game, I actually....drove home. You might want to re-read those last couple of sentences again just in case your head exploded. Pick your jaw up off the floor, folks, since it gets better. On my way downtown tonight, I actually DROVE AGAIN. Press rewind if I haven't blown ya mind.

The one downside to this strike, as a driver, is that I have to put up with the other people on the road who have apparently gotten their cars out of cold storage and are hitting the roads for the first time in ages. These folks may not be up on the new-fangled driving rules like using a turn signal or changing into second gear, but I'm sure they'll get the hang of it before they kill too many pedestrians.

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Lost in the furor over the TTC strike was that the Blue Jays also apparently went on strike from playing baseball. Saturday's loss was the sixth in a row, and the last five have been to perennial doormats Tampa Bay and Kansas City. I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be for Toronto's starting pitchers right now. Poor Roy Halladay has thrown complete games in each of his last three starts and has lost two of them. Do Roy and Mats Sundin just get together in a lonely bar on the weekends and cry on each other's shoulders about their cursed fate in life? I've never seen a club more susceptible to the team-wide slump than the Jays. Over the last few years, when they go bad, everyone in the lineup goes bad. It's not just one or two guys, it's everyone. And when the lineup does provide a lead, the bullpen (so good a year ago) blows it apart. But hey, don't worry everyone, the team isn't so bad that they actually needed Frank Thomas or anything. Pfft, team leader in how many categories last year? Pishaw.

If the Jays are in fact going to be crap this year, then do you know what this means? Between the Jays, the Raptors about to be eliminated (they should've kept Charlie 'Luthor' Villaneuva to counteract Superman Howard), the Maple Leafs in their usual state of chaos and nobody giving a shit about the Argos, Toronto FC is now suddenly the most successful sports franchise in the city. You laugh, but when was the last time you saw the Jays, Raps or Leafs go on a three-game winning streak? And which team is most likely to win a championship in the near future?

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Baby Mama would've been funnier if pretty much anyone but Amy Poehler had been the secondary lead. Is there a more overrated SNL star in recent memory?...uh, besides Jimmy Fallon? Poehler was terrific in, like, the first two-thirds of her first season on SNL, but she has been phoning it in with the passion of the MoviePhone guy ever since. Poehler can't really act in general, but she especially can't be a white-trash redneck. I admit I was a little taken aback by the fact that Tina Fey didn't actually write this movie, which I just presumed she did (and I'd wager money she did at least a little script polishing). Had I known she didn't actually apply her usual wit to the project, I probably would've skipped it. I'd complain I didn't get my money's worth, but thanks to a machine error I ended up getting my popcorn and drink for free, so it was basically a split decision.

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Ok, I think this is an awesome idea, but it's been voted down by several of my friends. The next generation of throwback jerseys --- the crossover jersey. Imagine wearing, say, a Tom Brady Celtics jersey. Or an Ichiro Seahawks jersey. Wouldn't that be awesome? Or, how about throwback announcer jerseys? I got the idea from Cincinnati's opening day tribute this year of everyone wearing a jersey with longtime player/broadcaster Joe Nuxhall's name and number on the back. Nuxhall is an exception since he was an actual player, but imagine wearing, say, a Tom Cheek Blue Jays jersey? BTW, as a scorer, I would've been going nuts during that Cincinnati game. How the hell were you supposed to keep track of substitutions? "Ok, 41 is leaving the game and now playing in right field is....41?"

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Brian Brohm? I like it. It's a good safety net in case Aaron Rodgers fails to live up to expectations. I'd prefer having Brohm to having Daunte Culpepper, which was the horrifying rumour I heard earlier this week. Culpepper would be the 'veteran backup' in place if Rodgers failed. Culpepper?! That guy is more washed-up than a sponge in an unprofitable Greek restaurant.

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So a few days ago I heard four different Collective Soul songs on four different radio stations at the same time. Is it 1997 again? Am I typing this on a Geocities page?

1 comment:

RT Murphy said...

Problem with the TTC and striking is, as a fellow 'guy who drives everyfuckingwhere', I realize that the poor schmoes who run the gas stations where I fill up my car do rely on the TTC every day, because they can't afford automobiles.

At any rate, sometimes there are perks to living in North York. Or not, since I'm in New "Subway? I Take It... With Cookies, AMIRITE" Brunswick for the summer, but still.