Thursday, January 10, 2008

Oh Mark, You So Crazy

So I wake up this morning with vertigo. Well, okay, that's exaggerating a bit. I just had a case of the dizzies, as Lucille Austero would say. The sad part is that I'm big enough of a U2 fan that if I actually had vertigo, I wouldn't mind simply because of the street cred. This is like being a Kinks fan and shrugging off STDs because of their 1976 hit "Syphilis Is Wicked."

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For all of the hype over Frank Caliendo's show, and his (lame) impressions on FOX NFL Sunday, his two best impressions are two he rarely busts out. He does an uncanny vocal copy of Charles Barkley, which can be seen here. He doesn't try to mimic Barkley's look, which is probably a good move given that Caliendo isn't a 300+ pound black guy. His other best impression is his Kelsey Grammer, or specifically just Grammer as Frasier...er, so, basically Kelsey Grammer. I've only seen him do this once, on a random episode of Mad TV, but it was absolutely dead-on, including Grammer's patented gradual increase in the speedandvolumeOfHisVOICE! The clip isn't available on YouTube, so keep watching and searching for those Mad TV clips. Ha, like I needed to remind you about Mad TV! Never mind!

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Not to brag, but I may be the greatest Scrabble player who has ever lived. I recently added Facebook's Scrabbulous application, and after a 2-4 start, I have been as hot as fire. My early struggles were attributable to my challenges of the toughest opponents I could find amongst my friends. My friend Megan, for example, has a record of something ridiculous like 80-10, and she handily beat me twice. But now I have the hang of it. My record in my last 22 games is 20-2. I'm the Tom Brady of Facebook Scrabble. Now all I need to find is the Giselle of Facebook Scrabble --- for some reason, I feel she'll have an overbite.

My latest victim was my poor brother Matt, who still believes that the best way to play Scrabble is to spell common words. What a fool. He almost had a nervous breakdown when I used a nicely-placed X on a double-letter score to make both 'XU' and 'XI.' Both are perfectly valid words in TWL Scrabble, though they fail the 'use it in a sentence' test that is most often used in live Scrabble games. I got off to a rousing start when I was able to make a bingo with 'thanked' in my very first turn, and the rout was on.

Do I have a reason for this post? Not really. I just like bragging. Anyone want a piece of me? I'm extending my arm towards my computer screen and making the Rock's "bring it" hand motion.

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So I'm watching the Simpsons movie's DVD commentary track, and the first funny part is that there are literally 10 people making comments. One of them is Yeardley Smith, a.k.a. the voice of Lisa Simpson, and if you've never seen/heard Ms. Smith in real life, she sounds literally exactly like Lisa in real life. She even makes a joke during the end credits when they list the character voices, and whereas Harry Shearer, Hank Azaria, etc. have a dozen credits, she has just Lisa. It's frankly a little creepy. I would imagine having sex with Yeardley Smith would be somewhat off-putting just for the voice alone. Nobody wants to hear Lisa in the throes of orgasm. It would be even worse with Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart. Imagine being Nancy Cartwright's husband, you're just about to climax, and then your wife busts out an 'Aye carumba!' That's enough to make a guy infertile.

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