Friday, April 27, 2007

Summer Movie Preview

May 1 is just around the corner, so here's a look at the upcoming blockbusters and/or massive money-losing failures. Can any film match Grindhouse for wall-to-wall violence? Can any film (in history) match Hot Fuzz for hilarity? Answers ahead! (Spoiler alert: no)

The Bourne Ultimatum
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 40%
Ok, here's the controversial one right off the bat. I really didn't care much for Bourne Supremacy. I thought it was really crappily directed by Paul Greengrass and shot in such a way that made the action scenes nearly unwatchable. I was disappointed to learn that Greengrass is directing this one as well --- damn you for being such an unlikeable douchebag, Doug Liman! Let's just hope things are a bit more streamlined this time around. Don't make another movie where I keep wishing Jack Bauer and Chloe will pop up to show Bourne and Julia Stiles how it's done.

The Brothers Solomon
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 75%
Did I cast this movie? Will Arnett, Jenna Fischer, Will Forte and half of the rest of the SNL cast? After all, movies from SNL-related people are always good. *crickets chirping*

Evan Almighty
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 70%
Bruce Almighty was one of the most head-scratching film experiences in recent years. I think I laughed just about once throughout the whole thing, since it never decided if it was going to being a comedy or a semi-mystical Groundhog Day-esque kind of movie. Fortunately, Steve Carell in the lead role means a far more straight-forward comedy, so I think this will be a big step up.

Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer
Chances I'll Enjoy It: An unfantastic 4%
So let me get this straight. The Hulk was a middling box office performer and a horrible movie. So they fired the talented director (Ang Lee) from the series, recast the lead and are now planning a sequel with entirely new talent. Fantastic Four was a middling box office performer and a horrible movie. But for this sequel, they're keeping the same hack director (Tim Story), and the same badly-cast-in-the-first-place actors. I'll be skipping this one. Activity time: check out the IMDB page for the guy who plays the Silver Surfer, Doug Jones. It's fascinating stuff. How does a guy get into that kind of acting career?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 90%
One of the things I love most about the Potter movie series is the drafting of new directors for each installment. If Chris Columbus had kept mediocre-ing them up, I would've probably stopped watching. I'm interested to see what David Yates (a director I know literally nothing about and has very few films to his credit) can do with the material. He'll have to aim high to fill the shoes of Alfonso Cuaron and Mike Newell, but I'm presuming the producers wouldn't just hire some idiot to helm their franchise picture. After all, they turned down my application. I even offered to bring my own digicam to save budget money. Anyway, Imelda Staunton may well be a dark horse Oscar nominee as Dolores Umbridge, one of the all-time great villains in literary history.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 50%
Since Adam Sandler is the definition of a hit or miss comedian, 50 percent seems about right. There's actually a better chance that Kevin James will totally steal the whole film. Will it reach Deeds-ian proportions or make a Little Nicky-esque descent?

The Invasion
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 20%
Funny thing about Nicole Kidman. She may be the all-time leader in films where you say "Well, it was okay, but nothing special." She's been around forever, and yet I can only think of one of her films (Moulin Rouge) that I genuinely enjoyed and would recommend without qualifications. Also, the plot about a secret alien invasion sounds like the plot of literally all of those serial sci-fi dramas that popped up in 2005 in the wake of Lost's success and were promptly cancelled. In fact, I don't think I'll even see this movie. Why the hell am I wasting time on it?

Knocked Up
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 95%
This is almost guaranteed to be the funniest movie of the summer. Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow and Paul Rudd are the unsung heroes of the so-called 'frat pack' (the Ferrell-Vaughn-Wilson-Wilson-Black-Stiller axis), and plus it's got Katherine Heigl looking all hot. You really can't lose.

Live Free Or Die Hard
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 80%
John McClane and the I'm A Mac guy kicking ass? Sold. It'll be ridiculous, but there will be some good action. Will Bonnie Bedelia make a cameo? I'm curious to see if she's held up well over the years.

Lucky You
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 30%
Well, it's about poker, and Curtis Hanson is a good director, and I'm a fan of both Bana and Barrymore. The catch here is that it's a classic date movie, so I may not be able to see it. Sigh. When did this post turn into a Lavalife ad?

Mr. Bean's Holiday
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 25%
What year is this? Am I writing the summer preview for 1998, when this sequel would've been timely? What is Willem Dafoe doing as the villain? Is Rowan Atkinson hard up for cash? Questions abound.

Ocean's Thirteen
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 75%
I think I'm the only one interested in this movie. I don't care. There's nothing I love more than a heist movie. Not a con man movie (which is what Ocean's Twelve essentially was), since those are all totally predictable. But heist movies are usually great since it demands creativity from the writers. Ronin, Heat, The Lavender Hill Mob, Inside Man, Quick Change...the list goes on and on. The first Ocean's Eleven is one of the most rewatchable movies made in years. Plus, this one has Al Pacino, who is now a walking punchline thanks to the legendary 'Pacino checks his bank balance' skit on SNL.



Pirates of the Caribbean III
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 80%
Pirates II was a perfectly enjoyable action movie, and with only a year between viewings, I won't be as confused about the plot as I was last time around. When that British Navy guy showed up halfway through the last movie, I think it was intended to be a surprising moment, but I was just like, "Who? There were other characters in the big movie besides the big three, Geoffrey Rush and Jonathan Pryce?" By the way, has any anecdote about a performance been beaten into the ground as much as the one that Johnny Depp based Captain Jack on Keith Richards? Stanley Kubrick once questioned if we would appreciate the Mona Lisa as much if Leonardo had written 'The lady is smiling because she is hiding a secret from her lover' under the picture, since it would ground the painting's mystery in reality. I think the same is true of Depp. It turned a wonderful character into a guy doing an impression.

Ratatouille
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 80%
What's not to love about a Brad Bird animated film? It's about a rat who wants to become a world-class chef, which brings to mind my brother's days working at Taco Bell.

Rush Hour III
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 10%
Oh my God, seriously? A third one of these? Come on. I'm sure Chan can still do some cool stunts, but let's take the bat away from the dead horse, people. Fun fact: Chris Tucker has not appeared in a movie since Rush Hour II. That came out six years ago! What the hell has he been doing all this time? Throat surgery to correct his voice's squeak?

Shoot 'Em Up
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 70%
Hopefully they spent longer on the script than they did coming up with a title. The big signature scene in this one is Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci having sex during a gunfight --- not with each other, presumably. If you're a professional assassin and you can't hit someone from such close range that you're actually copulating, you should probably look into another line of work. The film just went into a week-long reshoot, so....well, at least it'll be violent.

Shrek III
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 75%
If the category was "chances I'll enjoy it but vaguely feel that I could've waited for the DVD," the odds go up to 100 percent. Shrek II was cute, but I already felt like the premise had been a bit done to death in the original. Now it's just in blood from a stone country. I'm just amazed that Mike Myers turned his Scottish dad character from So I Married An Axe Murderer into a major animated film franchise.

The Simpsons Movie
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 95%
There's a chance the movie will end up going off the rails like many recent Simpsons episodes, but I find it hard to believe. There's been so much buildup to a Simpsons film over the years that Matt Groening and the writers wouldn't release one without it being awesome. The script is credited to a veritable all-star team of Simpsons writers past and present, with the one glaring exception being Ian Maxtone-Graham. That's like this book I just read by Chris "Mad Dog" Russo about his personal top ten lists in sports, and he had Mariano Rivera on his list of the top 10 baseball players of all time. Mariano goddamn Rivera. Ahead of like, Hank Aaron and Cy Young, among many others.

Spider-Man III
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 90%
This percentage may seem a bit low to those who know me, since I'm a huge Spider-Man fan and the second film is one of my all-time favourites. I just hope they're not trying to cram too much into what may prove to be the last film of the series, or at least the last with Raimi/Maguire/Dunst involved. You've got Sandman AND the new Green Goblin AND Spidey battling with the black suit AND (presumably) fighting the black suit as Venom. Not to mention the relationship subplots and everything else. I think it'll still be awesome and there is literally no chance I'll not see this on opening night, but there is a bit of trepidation.

Superbad
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 90%
Judd Apatow is involved in the production, and it stars Michael Cera from Arrested Development. The trailer looks hilarious. I'd say this one looks to be SuperFunny! (Note: every joke in the film is funnier than that one)

Transformers
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 5%
There was already a Transformers movie. It featured the voices of Orson Welles, Judd Nelson and Eric Idle. It was one of the great cinematic achievements in history. I'd think I'd rather see Michael Bay direct remakes of Citizen Kane, The Breakfast Club or Life Of Brian than to make a live-action Transformers movie. To paraphase the classic song, Bay don't "got the touch."

28 Weeks Later
Chances I'll Enjoy It: 60%
The original was very good, but the switch in directors and the fact that every zombie movie in history has led to terrible sequels isn't a good sign. The original was good because it was essentially a suspense film that happened to include zombies, whereas this one seems more like Resident Evil.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

More Things

* This Saturday on SNL, Scarlett Johansson hosts and Bjork musical guests. We can finally settle the debate over who's hotter!


* Speaking of SNL.... oh hell yeah.
http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=795

I had thought about this topic for a future Listamania, but my time has been saved. GOU-LAY


* Remember a few months ago when I blogged about checking out 25 books from the library? Well, two days ago, I signed out 40. Yes, forty. It's that damn Central Library that kills me. I go to my local branch, and the resources are limited. I go the Central branch and it's a frickin' country book jambaroo down there. Let me tell you, lugging 40 books around in a book bag and one of those plastic baskets is an underrated workout. The poor librarian at the front desk went wide-eyed when she saw me approach. It was like one of those scenes in a movie when a security guard is approached by a maniac/monster/ghost/well-armed gang, and he just throws down his pistol and runs.

Anyway, I also said I was going to post mini-reviews of the books I read in order to get some blog content out of my insane library binge. Since I didn't live up to it then, I'll live up to it now!

This Time Let's Not Eat the Bones, by Bill James

James is one of my favourite baseball writers, as he manages to combine humour, insight and common sense into his work. Though he is the most influential "stats guy" in the last 30 years, he isn't one of those clowns who think that a ballplayer's total value is entirely dependant on VORP, EqA and other esoteric stats. For example, I enjoy the firejoemorgan.com site and have it linked in the blogroll, but I think the site jumped the shark when its focus changed from, "This sportswriter wrote this terrible article, ha ha!" to "This sportswriter wrote this terrible article praising this player whose OPS+ was clearly inferior to this other player, and..." James, however, is still quick to identify the value of a player beyond only his on-base percentage and his home run totals.

This book is a collection of some of James' favourite pieces from his various publications and magazine articles over the years. It combines essays, statistical analysis, observations about players and managers, and even just random one-liners. I kind of dig how when James was putting this collection together and going over his old material, he came across an old zinger, chuckled, and then just added the line instead of the whole article.

I'd highly recommend the book as a primer to James for those unfamiliar with him. All of the material was written between 1977 and 1987, so unless you're something of a hardcore baseball fan, you may not get a lot of the references to older players and events. James is a solid enough writer, though, that he's able to explain the situations so that they still seem relatable to today's game. For example, he has an essay about arbitration hearings that is just as relevant today as it was in 1984. Just pretend that instead of talking about dollar figures bewteen 400 and 600 grand, he's talking about $4 million and $6 million.

One down, 39 to go. By the way, this book binge will raise my VORR (Value Over Replacement Reader) to an astonishing 85.8


* My brother made a late-night McDonald's run the other night, and asked me if I wanted anything. I asked for a large fries and a burger.

"What kind of burger?" he asks.
"Just a burger."
"Just a burger? Not a QP or a Big Mac?"
"No, just get the regular hamburger."

So, he goes off and comes back with a large fries and....a quarter pounder.

"I asked for a hamburger."
"Yeah, but I asked the girl in the drive-thru for a burger, and she asked what kind. You didn't tell me, so I just got a QP."
"Are you slow? The regular hamburger. They have just 'hamburger' on the menu."
"You're retarded. You can't say 'Duh, I want a hamburger.' You have to say what kind."

I swear, were it not for the obvious family resemblance, I'd swear he was adopted. So I had to eat a QP, which was disgusting. Is there a more nausea-inducing food product anywhere than the cheese on McDonald's burgers?


* I was doing my usual late-night insomnia-inspired internet surfing, and I was reading some old Bill Simmons columns. I was clicking away, having a few laughs, when I suddenly realized that I had been doing this for two hours. Yes, it's true --- Bill Simmons' full column archive is once again open to the public! I've been awaiting this day with bated breath. A couple of years ago, ESPN.com made Simmons' archive a part of their premium 'insider' membership package, wherein you had to pay to get access to specialty columns, breaking news updates and added stuff like access to the site's archives. I think Simmons may have been the only writer they specifically cordoned off, since he was by far their most popular writer and they were getting so many hits off of people linking to his old material that they figured they could make some cash out of it. Now, his columns were only open for a few months before they officially become 'insider' property.

It was recently announced that Simmons signed a new deal with ESPN.com, and I'm guessing the re-opening of his archive may have been one of the perks. I seem to recall Simmons mentioning that he didn't really like this in a chat a couple of years ago, and at the time figured he was probably getting a cut of the insider money and might've just been saying that in order to keep up his man of the people schtick. But upon further review, it makes more sense that he was telling the truth. Why wouldn't he want his archives available? What better way to promote one's current material (and future books) than an easily accessible backlog of stuff that people can send to their friends with e-mail headings like "Oh man, this guy is hilarious...."?

So kudos to Bill Simmons for once again giving me reading material to keep me up later than I should be.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Two posts in the same day?

Oh, that's right! I've got a fevah!

Two links.... first, news of my personal stand-up record being broken by six hours and six minutes:

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117963202.html?categoryid=14&cs=1


Second, a chilling cautionary tale of how a breakup can affect the lives of many. It's not quite 'stay together for the children' but still...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=449224&in_page_id=1879
Things I Don't Get

* Laid

* How a bio of Jeffrey Jones could devote literally 10 seconds of a seven-minute segment to his arrest for child pornography in 2003 and subsequent registry as a sex offender. TVTropolis has a show called 'Whatever Happened To,' where recap the lives of a few TV stars from the 80's or 90's. A recent episode included Jones, who's one of those classic "Oh, that guy" actors but is best known as the principal in Ferris Bueller. The segment discussed his role in Bueller, how he appeared in several Tim Burton films, etc. and I was wondering 'Gee, this seems awfully fluffy for a guy busted for kiddie porn.' Turns out, it was. Here was the entirety of the mention: the voiceover said something like, "Things took a bad turn for Jeffrey in 2002 when he was arrested for possession of child pornography." It cuts to a talking head (one of those poor man's Michael Ian Black types who always appear on these types of shows) who says, and I quote, "He ran into a bit of trouble, but he's back working now. He was just on Deadwood, you know, that show where they say the F-word 60 times a minute." This was delivered in an oddly condescending tone, too, where to hear this guy talk, you'd think appearing on a foul-mouthed HBO show as worse than taking pictures of underage children.

This was outright bizarre. Why even feature Jones if you're going to gloss over the more newsworthy thing that happened in his otherwise unmemorable career as a public figure? This very same episode also had a segment on the guy who played Mr. Belding on Saved By The Bell, with the gist of it being he has barely worked in years due to being stereotyped in that role. I think a struggling acting career is a lesser sin than being a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.

In a future episode, "Whatever Happened To" looks at O.J. Simpson's life from his days as a football star to a film actor to ___________ to avid golfer.

* Why Jessica Biel is suddenly jailbait for older actors. In Illusionist, she was the romantic interest of Edward Norton, who is 13 years her senior. In Next, she's with Nick Cage, who is 18 years older. She's also the love interest for Adam Sandler in his new movie, and Sandler is 16 years older. Hell, even in Stealth, she was paired with Josh Lucas, who is 11 years older. It's not like Biel looks (or acts, but then again, she can't really act in general) older than she actually is, either. She's 24 and she looks 24. If I'm Biel, I'm shooting some upraised eyebrows towards my agent. Elizabethtown, Cellular and Summer Catch may have been shitty movies, but at least in those she was paired with guys within the American Pie II Rule Of Seven.

Also, Adam Sandler is older than Edward Norton? And only two years younger than Nicolas Cage? Jesus. That SNL cast really aged strangely. Sandler and Kevin Nealon look exactly the same. Mike Myers, Nora Dunn and Chris Rock look older, but still generally the same. Jan Hooks, David Spade, Dana Carvey and Victoria Jackson look a good decade older than they actually are. Phil Hartman and Chris Farley look like skeletons.

* How Joe Carter can hit a home run that wins the World Series with his team down in the bottom of the ninth....and some idiots at Fox rank it only the seventh most memorable baseball play ever. I know, arguing about the Best Damn Sports Show is an exercise in futility, but come on! Here's what ranked ahead of Carter's homer...

6. Hank Aaron's 715th career home run. A great historical moment, sure, but more of a career-long achievement than a singular play. Though it's funny that if they do another of these lists next year after Bonds breaks the record, this will probably still be ranked pretty highly while Bonds may not even make the list. Also further diluted by the fact that A-Rod may well break both records by 2016. And Adam Lind will then break that record by 2025.

5. Willie Mays' catch in the 54 Series. A helluva catch, sure. Some say that catch, even though it was in game one, saved the Series for the Giants. Gee, who else saved a World Series? Oh that's right, JOE CARTER, WHO HIT A GODDAMN WALKOFF HOME RUN. Also, not to diss Mayes, but do I see better catches on a near-nightly basis on Sportscentre? Yep.

4. Carlton Fisk's "go fair" homer in Game 6 of the 1975 Series. A great visual moment, with Fisk waving his arms. But Homer In Game 6 To Win Series > Homer in Game 6 To Extend Series That Was Then Lost

3. Bill Buckner's Error. Geez, the Sox finally won a Series. Let the poor man rest.

2. Kirk Gibson's homer off Eckersley in the 88 Series. This was pretty awesome given the context of the badly injured Gibson coming off the bench to pinch-hit, and it was his only at-bat of the Series. But still, Series-winner vs. Game One winner? You've got to look at context, folks.

1. Bobby Thompson's homer to clinch the 1951 pennant for the Giants. Would've been a good 40 slots lower if it weren't for the legendary radio call.

I can't help but feel there was some definite anti-Canada/small-market bias at play here. The only other Series-winning homer (Bill Mazeroski in 1960 against....the Yankees) was one slot behind Carter at #8. If Joe Carter had been a Yankee, this would've been a clear-cut #1. I base this on the fact that those three Yankee homers in Games 4 and 5 of the 2001 Series took up three separate slots on this list. Give me a break.

Some historical great plays that didn't make the list at all: Bill Wambsganss' unassisted triple play in the 1920 World Series......My unassisted triple play in eighth-grade softball.....Nolan Ryan headlock-punching Robin Ventura after Ventura charged the mound.....Randy Johnson accidentally killing a bird with a pitch.....Merkle's Boner (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Merkle).....Ty Cobb, worst human being ever, jumping into the stands to attack a handicapped man.....Rance Mulliniks scoring the slowest inside-the-park homer in baseball history......Ken Keltner's two diving stops that ended Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak....Johnny Vander Meer's back-to-back no-hitters.....This minor league manager goes nuts

Friday, April 13, 2007

Questions Abound

The end screen of the Three Stooges game for NES....






The plot of the game is that the Stooges had to earn $5000 through various jobs to keep the orphange from being torn down. Thus, in this case, they've generated a cool $15,165 in profit. It's a tidy sum, sure, but laughably insufficient to fund three marriages. Nowadays, fifteen grand won't even cover a single wedding. I suppose to cut costs, the weddings could just take place at City Hall. I know the cliche is that every girl dreams of her special wedding day (this was Monica's storyline for the entire sixth and seventh season of Friends), but in this case, I doubt the brides will complain too much. They're marrying the Three Stooges, for god's sake, so they're clearly not picky.

Onto motive. The orphanage owner/mother is a curious psychological profile. On the one hand, she is obviously grateful that the Stooges have saved her orphanage. She is surely impressed with the valour of these three young (?) men. She also has three single, attractive (?) daughters. Her thought process here was similar to that of the man who first invented the banana milkshake.

Cut to a man holding a vanilla milkshake in one hand and a banana in the other. He looks at the banana. He looks at the milkshake. He looks back at the banana. He looks back at the milkshake. He looks back at the banana. He stares at the banana. He looks once again at the milkshake.

Man: Hey, wait a second....

The game is apparently set in days of yore, when parents were free to set their children up into arranged marriages without any concern to their feelings. The $15,165 in this case is something of a dowry. The girls all look pleased, as shown by their hot and heavy makeout session, but reality will soon set in. Can you imagine how awful it would be to be married to one of the three Stooges? You'd never get a moment's privacy. The other two would around 24-7, causing mischief, breaking up intimate moments with pie fights. The sex would probably be lousy, given that all three Stooges have taken enough junkshots in their lifetime to ruin their organs.

In summation, if your orphanage is saved thanks to a fundraising effort from three goofy bastards, don't pimp your daughters to them.





Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Battle of the Day



Sharon, Lois & Bram





versus





An Elephant


Competitors: The elephant in question is an African Bush elephant, male, fully grown, and of moderate temper. Most elephants aren't jerks like Stampy, but let's say that this particular elephant has been given particular incentive to win this fight. Oakland A's season tickets, for example.

Sharon, Lois & Bram have themselves to rely on. Not even Eric Nagler can provide assistance. I understand that Lois has been suffering from cancer in recent years, so in the interest of fairness, let's say that this is Sharon, Lois & Bram circa 1985, when they were in their primes. I believe that 1985 was also the year I saw them perform at Alumni Hall. I don't remember much about the concert, since I was high on ecstasy.

Battleground: An empty hockey arena. Let's say....the Scottrade Center in St. Louis.

Prep: As per the rules of engagement, the consensus underdogs (Sharon, Lois & Bram) get a day of preparation time to formulate a strategy. This prep time does not allow for the acquisition of weapons, bombs or any type of outside device that can be used to influence the decision. This is bad luck for Sharon, Lois & Bram, though they are allowed to bring their guitars into the battle since Sharon, Lois & Bram without guitars is like a squadron of WWII soliders without a guy from Brooklyn. However, they are allowed to consult with zookeepers, ivory dealers, or whomever they can think of who might have information about how to best an elephant in combat. These conversations would be awesome and hilarious, by the way.

The elephant, as the favourite, gets only an hour of prep time. I predict he will use this time to eat leaves.

Rules: Rule No. 1...there are no rules! Rule No. 2.....Rule No. 1 is a metaphor, of course there are rules. Rule No. 3......Victory is achieved by making your opponent submit, knocking them out, or killing them. Rule No. 4.....You aren't allowed to run away. Rule No. 5.....No time limit.

Referee: The lead official for this bout will be me. POWER~~~! My only job is to make the ten-count in the case of a knockout.

Match analysis: The elephant wins. I'm not sure if it will be via knockout, submission or murder, but since there are three opponents, let's be fair and say one of each. Bram is killed when the elephant steps on him. Sharon tries a running spear tackle, but unfortunately has bad form and knocks herself out against the elephant's mighty leg. Lois submits when the elephant catches her in a grounded double-chickenwing with a bridge.

Sharon, Lois & Bram will give a game effort, but I think they're out of their league. They're facing a goddamn elephant in hand-to-hand combat. A triple guitar-smash against the elephant's leg is their best offensive maneuver, but this would likely only result in the elephant becoming enraged. It's possible they may try to sooth the elephant using their children's pop, but this may also backfire. The "Skinnamarink" hand motion is actually not unlike an elephant's trunk, which may (at best) mildly confuse the elephant, or (at worst) turn him on.

Final verdict: The elephant. It really isn't close.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

LISTAMANIA III

The title is more effective if you say it in the manner of the announcer in 'The Wizard,' i.e. SUPER MARIO BROTHERS............................................................................................................................................................(dramatic pause).............................................................................................................THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee

Ah, the Wizard. That will surely make a comeback when I make my list of the top Jenny Lewis movies. But anyway, onto the fun. None of these are in any particular order

Top Five Led Zeppelin songs
Hey Hey, What Can I Say
Heartbreaker
Battle of Evermore
Fool in the Rain
Gallows Pole

Top Five Who songs
5:15
The Real Me
Substitute
Won't Get Fooled Again
My Wife

Top Five Rolling Stones songs
Midnight Rambler
Gimme Shelter
Tumbling Dice
It's Only Rock and Roll
Sympathy for the Devil

Top Five Radiohead songs
The National Anthem
Just
High and Dry
Paranoid Android
Exit Music (For A Film)

Top Five Oasis songs
Hello
Acquiesce
Don't Look Back In Anger
Live Forever
Rock and Roll Star

Top Five Elton John songs
Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting
Crocodile Rock
Don't Go Breaking My Heart
I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues
I Don't Want To Go On With You Like That

Top Five Johnny Cash songs (originals)
Jackson
Flesh and Blood
Folsom Prison Blues
Delia's Gone
Big River

Top Five Johnny Cash songs (covers)
Hurt
Rusty Cage
Desperado
God's Gonna Cut You Down
I Hung My Head

Top Five Blur songs
Charmless Man
Tender
To The End
On Your Own
M.O.R.

Top Five Tragically Hip songs
The Darkest Ones
Poets
Fireworks
So Hard Done By
Wheat Kings

Top Five Pulp songs
Common People
Mis-Shapes
Bar Italia
Do You Remember the First Time?
Disco 2000

Top Five White Stripes songs
(on hold until Icky Thump comes out, since that album could throw things into disarray)

Top Eleven Bruce Springsteen songs
Thunder Road
Born to Run
Rosalita
Lost in the Flood
Stolen Car
Atlantic City
Bobby Jean
Dancing in the Dark
Tunnel of Love
My City of Ruins
Lion's Den

Top Ten Pearl Jam songs
Alive
Better Man
No Way
Life Wasted
Come Back
Insignificance
Hail Hail
Present Tense
Corduroy
Even Flow

Top Ten Beatles songs
When I'm Sixty-Four
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Here Comes the Sun
Back in the USSR
Cry Baby Cry
Here, There and Everywhere
Help
You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
Lady Madonna
We Can Work It Out

Top Fifteen U2 songs
The Fly
Mysterious Ways
Bad
Angel of Harlem
Kite
With or Without You
A Celebration
Stay
All I Want Is You
One
In A Little While
Mofo
Where the Streets Have No Name
Discotheque
Out of Control