Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A hat, and a bat, and the umpire's call

So, my internship is at an end (aside from a couple more spare assignments to finish), and I've got to say, it was a blast from start to finish. What would be better than watching baseball games and being paid to write articles about them and/or the players involved wherein? It was truly a summer to remember forever [/Wonder Years voice].

As far as a post-mortem on the Blue Jays season, I have just one statistic. With me in attendance, the Jays were 42-24. Without me in attendance, they are 41-50 through Tuesday. Forget injuries, subpar pitching, or anything else -- it was all me, baby.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Toque No More

This is a sad day. I may have lost my beloved gray-and-black toque.
Here is a picture of me in the toque.

Ok, that's actually a picture of Will Ferrell dressed as John Rocker. It turns out I don't have a picture of myself in my toque, which is sort of like Gwyneth not having a picture of herself and Apple. Nevertheless, it's still a pic of a guy in a hat.

My toque was purchased after an exhaustive search that was made all the more exhaustive for a somewhat dumb reason. I thought the Edge's sort-of-tight-but-still-comfortable style of toque was pretty stylish, so I looked for one of my own. As a fellow bald guy, the Edge is certainly qualified to act as my style maven. It is only the second time that I have borrowed a style tip from a rock star, after that time I wore the same colour shoelaces as the drummer for Zuckerbaby.

Where is my toque? I have a feeling I may have left it in one of four places.

* The bathroom at the Huron Market Place theatre. I was there last Saturday, and I know I was wearing my toque on that night. It's possible I left it on the counter while washing my hands.
* The bathroom at the Chapters across from Masonville Mall. I think I had some kind of toque on that night, but I'm not certain of which one it was. Incidentally, I'm sure you're wondering why I always have my toque on in the first place when I'm in the bathroom, or why I don't just put it in my pocket before I enter. This is one of those unanswerable questions in life, akin to why George Costanza takes off his shirt to use the toilet.
* In some random pocket of a sweater or coat.
* Place D, which is the random place that all lost clothes go. It is a mystical world full of lollipop buses and marshmallow police officers.

In the meantime, I will have to get by with my Buffalo Bills toque, my Green Bay Packers toque (ah, public shame) or my toque that used to belong to my dad and bears the initials of the Ontario High School Teacher's Union. If I wear it in public, I run the risk of some conservative douchebag trying to hurl a Mike Harris insult at me, but I learned long ago that anyone who thinks Mike Harris was a good premier isn't worth listening to about politics.

So if this is the last time we meet again, farewell, my unintended. I'm sure we will meet again in the afterlife, provided that heaven gets chilly at night and requires toques. Since my vision of heaven is a lot like northern Ontario minus the mosquitoes, things look good that we shall meet again.

Monday, September 11, 2006

On Notice!

8. After spending close to three hours playing poker at the Brantford Casino, I ended up negative 15 dollars. I blame Ben Affleck, somehow.

7. Why is half the highway under construction? Why is the area between Oakville and Mississauga as congested as U2's Last Night On Earth video? Why is there a 401, 402, 403 and 407, but not a 404, 405 or 406? These are the questions caused by my madness.

6. My dad picked up Arizona Iced Tea for the first in forever, since Costco stopped carrying it years ago. I was a major fan back in the day, but upon opening a can for a cool sip today, I felt....pretty meh. It tasted kind of flat. Has the Arizona Iced Tea company fallen on hard times, or had its original recipe stolen by Germans?

5. So I'm sitting in a theatre watching Pirates II, and the belt I'm wearing literally snaps. In my defense, the belt was really old and frayed, but man....who else does lunacy like this happen to?

4. The ship has sunk.

3. Lead singer Brandon Flowers said in a recent MTV News interview that their upcoming album is one of the best discs in the last 20 years. Given how that timeframe includes not just loads of great discs from the likes of U2, Pearl Jam, Radiohead, etc., it also includes Too Legit To Quit. Keep trying, Flowers!

2. Specifically, the Chicago Bears. They pounded the hell out of my Packers, and...oh, who am I kidding? It was Green Bay's fault for fielding such a horrific team. I am in for a rough football season.

1. So yeah, check out my new MySpace page!

Saturday, September 09, 2006


My predictions for the already-started NFL season...

AFC East
Patriots, Dolphins, Jets, Bills

AFC South
Colts, Jaguars, Texans, Titans

AFC West
Broncos, Chargers (WC), Chiefs, Raiders

AFC North
Ravens, Steelers (WC), Bengals, Browns

NFC East
Giants, Redskins (WC), Eagles, Cowboys

NFC South
Panthers, Bucs (WC), Falcons, Saints

NFC West
Seahawks, Cardinals, Rams, 49ers

NFC North
Bears, Vikings, Packers, Lions

Super Bowl is Panthers over the Patriots

Monday, September 04, 2006

Idlewild and Hootie

Outkast are one of the few rap acts I genuinely enjoy, and their new album (a soundtrack for their film Idlewild) is, unsurprisingly, genuinely fun. It's not quite what I expected, since given the film is a period piece set in the Depression, I kind of expected more of a 1930's feel to the music. Sort of like hip-hop, but with more of a classic jazzy feel to it. A few tracks are tinged with a ragtime feel, but overall it's basically a hip-hop album that is taken in a lot of weird musical places. So, basically, it's an Outkast album.

I submit that Big Boi is the more talented of the Outkast duo. Here's my take on it, and since Outkast are from Atlanta, I'll stick to Atlanta sports metaphors. Andre 3000 is like Michael Vick. Immensely talented and capable of bursts of genius (Hey Ya = leading his team to the first ever playoff win by a road team at Lambeau Field), but seemingly unable to fully bring everything together for a complete season/album. Big Boi, on the other hand, is Tom Glavine. Nobody will ever get too excited about Tom Glavine, and attention is often drawn to his more unique teammates like John Smoltz or Greg Maddux. But when push comes to shove, he's consistent day in and day out, and in his own way, is just as creative and 'out there' as his counterpart. I found the Big Boi songs to be generally more interesting than Andre's on Idlewild, though this disc doesn't have the direct split between the duo that Speakerboxx/Love Below did. Frankly, there are so many co-authors and co-producers on songs that you could argue that Idlewild is more akin to 'Outkast & Friends.'

Favorite song after one listen: Call The Law

I also recently got Panic! At The Disco's album (meh) and a Hootie greatest hits album, which I enjoyed immensely. Goddamn, Hootie were a good band. Why did everyone suddenly decide they sucked about halfway through 1996? They were even responsible for the most dated episode of Friends ever, when the gang are all excited about tickets to a Hootie concert. Seeing that episode now is like seeing an episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show where Dick refers uses outdated racial terms. (If any such episodes existed. I don't think the DVD Show often dealt with the burgeoning racial issues of the day.)