Thursday, November 23, 2006

Three Things

I'll bet that literally millions of more people have been clotheslined by the wrestling move or during a game of Red Rover than have been clotheslined by actual clotheslines.


Scarlett Johansson turned 22 yesterday. Good lord. I was thinking of spinning this off into a riff on the topic of "which actress has been hot for the longest period of time," but there's really no way to get into this without it sounding creepy.


Am I nuts, or are Bill Simmons' wife's short commentaries each week funnier than anything he's written in the last four months? She seems up on pop culture, witty, clever, not afraid to get unwarrantly pissed off at things like The Bachelor. Talk about a dream woman. She is my current Faceless Woman I'm Secretly Attracted To....wait, is this even a category? Who else could be here? Madonna when she dressed up as The Blank in Dick Tracy?

I guess I could've put a spoiler alert on that Madonna thing. Screw it. If you're upset because you had planned to spend your Friday night watching Dick Tracy alone in your apartment, then use your Blockbuster card to rent yourself a life instead. Dick Tracy is notable only for the birth of the Al Pacino "Al Pacino" persona that he has used in literally every movie in the last 16 years, except for Insomnia and Looking For Richard. People think it began in Scent of a Woman, but people don't pay attention to small details like crappy Warren Beatty movies.

The funny thing is, when I was kid, I was a HUGE Dick Tracy fan. Had all the toys, saw the movie a bunch of times....I was all over it like stink on a hog. It was randomly on TV a few months back so I decided to watch because I hadn't seen it in years. Big mistake. To use my previous analogy, you don't wallow in the stink of a hog because you vaguely remember liking bacon. OK, that made no sense, forget it. Dick Tracy stinks.

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