Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Great American Posting Bash/Lisa Loeb

Back in the late 1980's, the National Wrestling Association promoted a month-long tour called the 'Great American Bash' that ran for a straight month. The then-NWA champion Ric Flair would defend his title every night against a different opponent in a different city across the eastern and southern United States, culminating in one big pay-per-view event around the fourth of July.

Why am I bringing this up now, other than to display my intrinsic knowledge of 80's pro wrestling and thus expose a reason for my lackluster dating life? Well, I'm going to see if I can post every day for the rest of July. Call me the Ric Flair of blogging, minus the alcoholism, Republican politics and sagging man-breasts.
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So, today's post.

I'm a big-time fan of glasses on women -- blame it on Tina Fey or Jan Smithers from WKRP In Cincinnati, but I just find it damned attractive. Those two may not be the best examples, however, since both are attractive without glasses as well.

This is why Lisa Loeb puzzles me. Has anyone ever seen Lisa Loeb without glasses? I have a sneaking suspicion that she is a candidate for reverse Clark Kent syndrome: when the glasses are removed, the person is the exact opposite of 'super.' Given Lisa Loeb's relative lack of songwriting ability, it seems entirely possible that a record exec suggested them in order to give her more of a hook. This record exec may have also told her to bone Ethan Hawke, or possibly try to kill him in order to prevent 'Gattaca' from ever taking place -- in my scenario, this record exec is from the future and travels through time preventing shitty sci-fi movies. This is why you've never heard of Star Trek 11: Building Data A Penis.

Anyway, if Lisa Loeb removed her specs, would it be as horrifying as that Arrested Development episode when GOB was doing it with Kitty in the Bluth Company broom closet, and Kitty removed her glasses to reveal her cross-eyed glare? This scene becomes even funnier in hindsight for me when I learned of my friend Aaron's lazy eye that is revealed whenever he whips off his glasses.

p.s. Judy Greer, who plays Kitty, is actually very attractive, and they had to purposely "ugly her up" on AD. Though that didn't really work much either, since she still looked pretty good. Certainly much more than Portia de Rossi, who is fiendish without makeup and a good hair stylist. Ellen Degeneres, you can probably do better.

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